After 25 rocky years of marriage, my parents divorced. That was just four years ago. My mom and dad were good parents who loved their four children very much, but they were not so good at being husband and wife. They were not able to set a good example of marriage for my siblings or I. I got two very different messages on sexuality from my parents. My mom told me all the good stuff like, “You are a precious treasure and if a guy really loves you he will love ALL of you, not just parts of you.” “If a guy really loves you he won’t pressure you to have sex. He’ll wait until he has committed himself to you forever in marriage.” On the other hand, my dad caused me to have the impression that all men look at women the same –“Guys will be guys,” “We like to look at women and we like the women who are thin and sexy the best,” “Don’t try to change us, accept us for who we are.” "You are a treasure, but just make sure you stay fit and don't let yourself go, or else. . . " These are the types of things my dad would say to me and the type of lies I half-way bought into. The other half bought into the things my mom told me. I wanted to believe my mom, but I mistrusted her wisdom because of the things my dad would tell me. I was confused.
I decided to listen to mom because her message range true in my heart. I committed myself to living a chaste life. Well, living chastity through high school was pretty easy because I never dated anyone. Chastity is easier to live when you are not in a relationship because you just have to worry about yourself. You don’t have to try and convince a boyfriend to live it with you. I just never found a guy that was mature enough to treat me with the respect I knew I deserved.
I had my first serious relationship the summer before college. The guy’s name was Curtis. At first things were great! He treated me really good. He waited a whole month to kiss me for the first time. We went off to the same college together. I wish I could say things remained innocent and good, but they did not. Curtis and I never discussed boundaries in our relationship and because I liked Curtis so much and thought he really liked me, I comprised myself. We never had sex, but we did things beyond the proper boundaries for a young dating couple. What I thought was an expression of our love for each other soon felt like regret and guilt. I tried to talk to Curtis about it, but it was just too awkward for both of us. Our relationship began to suffer. We didn’t talk anymore and we grew apart. After 7 months, we broke up. I was left with a wounded heart that still from time to time bleeds. You never get over your first love completely.
To help heal the hurt, I had a few flings in the following months. None of them were healthy. They were all dumb. I was using them to fill the void that now existed in me. They did not help me heal at all. I decided to stop dating and let God help me heal. I decided to give myself time to figure out who I was as a woman. I transferred colleges. I started attending a great Catholic college that was eight hours away called
In the spring of my junior year of college, I studied abroad in
And, it was there that I met Francesco. Francesco was from
I have had to learn the hard way how much not living chastity hurts. I have ruined two very good relationships through not living it!
This past year was my senior year of college. I decided to make chastity the topic of my senior seminar. I had to do a lot of research and again came in contact with the Church’s beautiful message on the truth and meaning of our human sexuality. This time the message really captured my heart! A passion for chastity and purity flowered in my heart and I yearned to be truly loved by a man in chaste way! I am so thankful for my job as a chastity educator because it gives me a chance to tell my little corner of the world about what I had learned the hard way! Not living chastity only brings regret, hurt and brokenness. Living chastity brings true freedom and joy!
I have recently started dating a guy named John. I have shared with John my desire to live a Christ-like and holy life. He admires me and likes me MORE for this! John has also been waiting for a Godly-woman to come into his life! We are a new relationship and still in the very early stages of our relationship, but things are looking bright for us. We pray together and we are concerned with leading each other closer to God. The lies of my dad will always be in the back of my mind and the distorted message of our society will always surround me, but I have chosen to ignore them and embrace the beauty and truth of my sexuality. I hope you will do the same!
Girls there are good men out there desiring good Godly-woman! And guys there are good girls out there desiring a good Godly-man! Wait for each other!