Thursday, December 20, 2007

Sending advice to Jon

Nicole came across this website where a thirtysomething bachelor dishes out dating advice. One young man, Jon, wrote in to say that he is committed to not having sex before marriage and has lost relationships due to this commitment. So, Evan the dating advisor promptly tells Jon that he has a problem. He closes with this:

"Since I’m not a psychologist, I’m not gonna worry in this space about WHY you’d opt for abstinence. That’s between you and your clergyman. All I can say is that the number of people aboard the no-sex train is increasingly small. So as I see it, you have two choices:

Keep beating the drum that says sex is wrong outside of marriage and continue to wonder why most women keep running away, OR:

Get off your moral high horse and start sexually servicing these women the way they want to be serviced.

If not, someone else will. I guarantee that."

Of course I couldn't refrain from commenting, so I added this:

"I cannot tell you how disgusted I am by the thought of men being told to 'service women' by being sexually active with them while dating. If I date a man who is saving sexual activity for marriage, I know a few things about him:

1) He respects me and himself way more than the guy who will willingly engage in sex just because he “wants some” or because I’m afraid I’ll lose him without it.

2) If he can have self-control in abstaining from sex now, then it is more likely that he will continue that self-control (ie. being faithful inside of marriage instead of looking for satisfaction with other women).

3) He is interested in me as a person (personality, talents, intellect, etc.) and not just my body.

4) He wants to love me (ie. not put me at risk and seek what is best for me) rather than use me (treat me as an object to gratify him).

So, Jon, I think that any woman who is treated in this way will feel like a princess if she truly realizes what a sacrifice it can be for a man to want to wait. Saying yes is not always the loving thing to do. Even though it is hard to say no to sexual activity outside of marriage, it is a testament to the love and respect that you have for your future spouse.

Perhaps you have not met the right girl yet, but that does not mean you are doing something wrong. If you want a special girl, you have to act accordingly. If you compromise, you are just settling for less than you deserve.

And finally, know that there are other people out there who are waiting for their spouse (or have waited and are now married) and would not trade their love story with anyone who treated sexuality as no big deal or as a way to attract more people. Quality would be preferred over quantity."

I encourage you to add your own encouragement to Jon to remain true to his values.

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