Modestly Yours has been hosting an interesting discussion on the "Pitfalls of Modern Dating." An anonymous poster added the following comment, which I found particularly poignant. I would disagree with her willingness to separate the pro-creative (or openness to new life) aspect from sex, but I don't think this diminishes her point:
"I have a wonderful marriage and a compassionate and caring husband. I slept with him after a month of dating and truly wish that we had waited until marriage. After knowing one another six years and being married for almost three, I am still learning how to treat sex as a means of pleasure and bonding (and eventually procreation).
"The thing is, I long in my heart-of-hearts for our sexual relationship to be about bonding and pleasure. I do believe he has reached that state, but I still have the mind set of being "that woman" who is always putting on the best show so that he will never want to stray. After four years of playing that part when I was his girlfriend, it was hard to change when I became his wife.
"Once I started sleeping with him in college, I subconsciously starting fearing he would leave or look elsewhere. I now struggle with letting go and being myself, not some pin-up. Sex is so much more than what our culture teaches us it is. I have a feeling that deep down other women feel this way to, but they can't search their soul to find out and they fear the idea that their sexual relationships are not as fulfilling as they seem. I didn't see it myself. I am learning, though, and those few times when I do let go and enjoy being with my husband on the most intimate level, our time together is more memorable than any other.
"The thing is, if you wait to have sex until marriage, in the freedom of a lifetime committment already made, there is less pressure to be anyone else but yourself : ) Just my two-cents..."