In High School, Thom and I do an activity called "The Two Biggest Reasons" where we break the classroom up into pairs and each pair is given an index card. They are given a few minutes to write down on the index card the two biggest reasons they think people do not save sex for marriage. I then collect the cards and read them out loud anomiously. We write their answers on the board. We then take a look at the most frequent answers and have a discussion on whether or not these are good or bad reasons to have sex before marriage. The most common answer we get are:
(2) Pleasure/Feels good
(3) Excitement/Fun/Good pastime
(7) To get and keep boyfriend
(8) Media influence
What do you think? Are any of these reasons good reasons to have sex before marriage? Why or why not?
The answer is "no." None of the above reasons are good reasons to have sex before marriage. Why? Let's take a discuss:
(1) Peer Pressure/Popularity: If we made all of our life decisions based on what the people around us were doing, we would never accomplish the things we want to do. There will ALWAYS be “cool” people who do things that aren’t smart. At some point we have to decide to do what we know is best for our life. If the worst thing that happens to you from practicing chastity is someone calls you a loser, then you’re in pretty good shape. Compare that to the worst thing that could happen to you if you DON’T practice chastity.
(2) Pleasure/Feels good: Yes, sex is pleasurable. God made it that way so that the human species would reproduce. But sex can be so much more pleasurable if you don’t have to worry about all the stresses of having sex outside of marriage. This goes along with the next one too…
(3) Excitement/Fun/Good pastime: Even though there may be a few moments of pleasure, ultimately, its not fun to worry about getting sexually transmitted diseases, getting your girlfriend pregnant, worrying that people will find out, losing your reputation, breaking trust with your parents, turning your back on God, or having emotional baggage that you will have to carry with you for the rest of your life. Ultimately, sex is only REALLY enjoyable inside marriage where you are free from all of these problems.
(4) Love: Many people think that sex will be a sign of true love, or they are seeking to gain someone’s love by having sex with them. But the fact is that real love would NEVER put the beloved at risk. Real love wants what’s best for the other person, and sex outside of marriage ALWAYS puts the other person at risk. A real sign of the love is the willingness to wait, to make a thousand sacrifices, to walk a thousand miles for the beloved. Not just to get whatever feels good here and now regardless of the consequences.
(5) Curiousity: You can’t have BOTH the experience of being sexually promiscuous before marriage AND have the experience of giving the gift of yourself totally and completely, with the purity of your virginity, to your husband/wife on your wedding day. You CAN’T have both. BUT, you CAN have BOTH your curiosity about sex satisfied AND be pure for your spouse if you save sex for marriage. Why not choose BOTH? Why lose the chance to know what it would be like to offer yourself completely to your spouse, just because you want to know what sex is like? You’ll be able to know that, just have a little patience and then you’ll be able to have the best of both worlds.
(6) Hormones: This is a real struggle for many people, especially teenagers. But here’s the deal: we are humans, we are not just animals. We are not just our instincts or our urges. We have REASON and FREEDOM and INTELLECT and SELF-CONTROL. We can control our bodies because we have the intelligence to do so. That’s one of the things that separate us from the animals. Some people want to believe that it’s impossible to save sex for marriage because of hormones, but that is proved untrue by the millions and millions of people who have been virgins when they got married.
(7) To get and keep a boyfriend: If a relationship would die without sex, then let it.
(8) Media Influence: No doubt there are images all over the place that encourage us to give in to sexual lust and desire because there are no consequences. But we have got to be smarter than the TV. MTV thinks it makes the trends that teens follow. They think you guys are a bunch of brainwashable idiots. I believe you guys can think for yourselves and can make good decisions.