Is it okay for married people to use birth control?
Birth control, within or outside or marriage, is wrong. The purpose of sex within marriage is to unite the couple and for procreation. Using birth is clearly taking away the idea of being open to children and it also puts a barrier between the spouses. Our bodies have a language of their own, for example a smile, a wink, a raise of the eyebrow. All of these signs from our body convey a message. Having sex with someone also conveys a message. What does it say? Having sex with someone is telling them with your body that you want to be with them, totally and completely. It is saying to your spouse that they can have all of you. So, using birth control is lying with your body. You are telling your partner that you want to give all of yourself to them, except you are using birth control to separate you from them.
Sex is meant to express love, a love that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful. Free means freely given, not forced, total means holding nothing back, faithful comes with a lifetime commitment within marriage, and fruitful is the openness to new life produced through sex. If someone walked up to you and said, “Nice to meet you” but instead of shaking your hand, they slapped your face, their words and actions would not match up. They would be lying with their body. It is the same with sex. When we say that sex expresses love that is total, we mean that it isn’t holding anything back. When someone has been sterilized or is using a form of birth control, then they are holding back the possibility of creating new life, their fertility, so their love is not total. The other person is then not receiving a total gift of their spouse. If we don’t have one of these four aspects of what sex being free, total, faithful, and fruitful then we aren’t honestly expressing the meaning of sex.
This does not mean that a married couple is required by the Church to have 20 children. There is a method called Natural Family Planning that tracks signs from the woman’s body, like her temperature, to determine what time of the month she is fertile, or able to conceive. If a couple has a serious reason why this would not be a good time for them to have a child (like the husband just lost his job, not that they hope to buy a yacht), then they would just abstain from sex when the woman is fertile. This way they wouldn’t be lying with their bodies or misusing sex, they would not have sex during the week or so during the month that a baby could be created. Couples who use NFP say that it makes their marriage stronger because they have better communication and need to express their love for each other non-sexually as well. The divorce rate for a couple using NFP is about 4% (vs. 50% for the general population).
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
"Is There Hope for the American Marriage?"
I was more than a little surprised when I heard through our office grapevine that TIME Magazine’s cover story a few weeks ago was on marriage. Marriage? In the wake of affairs of such public figures, like Gov. Mark Sanford, I was pretty skeptical about what TIME would have to say about marriage, but I was definitely curious nonetheless. So I read it.
And I was pretty impressed. The author, Caitlin Flanagan, brought up several thought-provoking points. Here are a few of my favorites:
o “When children are born into a co-habiting, unmarried relationship . . . they arrive in a family in which the principals haven't resolved their most basic issues, including those of sexual fidelity and how to share responsibilities. Let a little stress enter the picture — and what is more stressful than a baby? — and things start to fall apart. The new mother starts to make wifelike demands on the man, and without the commitment of marriage, he is soon out the door.”
o “ . . . We want something like that for ourselves; we recognize that it is something of great worth, but we are increasingly less willing to put in the hard work and personal sacrifice to get there. . . A lasting marriage is the reward, usually, of hard work and self-sacrifice.”
o "The fundamental question we must ask ourselves at the beginning of the century is this: What is the purpose of marriage? Is it . . . simply an institution that has the capacity to increase the pleasure of the adults who enter into it? Or is marriage an institution that still hews to its old intention and function — to raise the next generation, to protect and teach it, to instill in it the habits of conduct and character that will ensure the generation's own safe passage into adulthood?”
You can access the entire article here: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1908243-1,00.html
And I was pretty impressed. The author, Caitlin Flanagan, brought up several thought-provoking points. Here are a few of my favorites:
o “When children are born into a co-habiting, unmarried relationship . . . they arrive in a family in which the principals haven't resolved their most basic issues, including those of sexual fidelity and how to share responsibilities. Let a little stress enter the picture — and what is more stressful than a baby? — and things start to fall apart. The new mother starts to make wifelike demands on the man, and without the commitment of marriage, he is soon out the door.”
o “ . . . We want something like that for ourselves; we recognize that it is something of great worth, but we are increasingly less willing to put in the hard work and personal sacrifice to get there. . . A lasting marriage is the reward, usually, of hard work and self-sacrifice.”
o "The fundamental question we must ask ourselves at the beginning of the century is this: What is the purpose of marriage? Is it . . . simply an institution that has the capacity to increase the pleasure of the adults who enter into it? Or is marriage an institution that still hews to its old intention and function — to raise the next generation, to protect and teach it, to instill in it the habits of conduct and character that will ensure the generation's own safe passage into adulthood?”
You can access the entire article here: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1908243-1,00.html
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Say What?
In order to reform our view on sex we must consider our thoughts, words, and actions. My last blog talked about how our thoughts can influence us, in much of the same way our words also impact us. If it is common for someone to speak of sex in a degrading or disrespectful manner, that person’s actions may also be degrading or disrespectful to the beautiful gift of our sexuality. Talking dirty may be something that is popular, but it trains your brain to think negatively about others and have this distorted image of sex. It’s not just how we talk about sex, but beyond that how we talk about people. Each one of us is created with a special purpose and deserves dignity and respect as a human being.
If we refer to a person as a “piece of meat”, that is clearly not treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. Since we are called to love and respect everyone through our words, we need to train the filter between our thoughts and what comes out of our mouth. At first it may just mean keeping our mouths shut until we have transformed our thoughts to this new view. In the ideal situation, we won’t have any impure thoughts, and therefore won’t have the temptation to speak any of those thoughts.
However, I have a tendency to speak before I think. If you have a similar tendency, it will be important to focus on training your thoughts to be pure as the initial step. Most people find it is easiest to work on filtering what words you verbalize first. Before letting something slip out of your mouth, think about how it may affect the other people involved. Discern whether or not the comment is respectful of our dignity as human beings. If it is not respectful, we should choose to keep our mouths shut, or come up with something more respectful to share. Changing our words in this way will be able to trigger our sensitivity to our thoughts and impact how we act on these thoughts and words.
If we refer to a person as a “piece of meat”, that is clearly not treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. Since we are called to love and respect everyone through our words, we need to train the filter between our thoughts and what comes out of our mouth. At first it may just mean keeping our mouths shut until we have transformed our thoughts to this new view. In the ideal situation, we won’t have any impure thoughts, and therefore won’t have the temptation to speak any of those thoughts.
However, I have a tendency to speak before I think. If you have a similar tendency, it will be important to focus on training your thoughts to be pure as the initial step. Most people find it is easiest to work on filtering what words you verbalize first. Before letting something slip out of your mouth, think about how it may affect the other people involved. Discern whether or not the comment is respectful of our dignity as human beings. If it is not respectful, we should choose to keep our mouths shut, or come up with something more respectful to share. Changing our words in this way will be able to trigger our sensitivity to our thoughts and impact how we act on these thoughts and words.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Quote of the Week: G.K. Chesterton
"Chastity does not mean abstention from sexual wrong; it means something flaming, like Joan of Arc. In a word, God paints in many colours; but he never paints so gorgeously . . . as when he paints in white."- G.K. Chesterton
Friday, July 24, 2009
Question Box Friday: Dating Age?
Q: When is a good age to start dating?
A: Each person is different, so I can't say that there is a specific age that you should start dating. I can, however, give you a few things to consider in making that decision. First of all, I would recommend talking to your parents about this. They know you very well and can give you give you a lot of good advice. They truly have your best interests at heart, so it's important to respect them in this decision.
Secondly, keep in mind that there is no rush to begin dating. Statistics showed that only nine percent of those who began dating at the age of twelve would still be virgins by the time they graduated high school, whereas eighty percent of those who waited until the age of sixteen to date remained virgins until they graduated (http://www.pureloveclub.com/). In other words, the earlier a person starts dating the more likely it is that he/she will become sexually active in high school. Also, keep in mind that the vast majority of dating relationships in high school don't lead to marriage, which means that your future husband/wife is most likely still out there - does this relationship lead you closer to finding him/her? How would he/she feel if he could see you in this relationship right now?
Joshua Harris once said that a person is ready to start dating when he/she can "match wisdom with romance." It's important to use your heart AND your head when deciding whether or not to date a certain person. It's also important to remember that when you begin dating you also begin building a foundation for your future marriage. Dating is meant to help you decide whether or not to marry a certain person; if you're still quite a few years away from being able to make that deicision and follow through with it, then I would suggest that you use your time now to build a strong foundation of friendship, rather than dating that person.
A: Each person is different, so I can't say that there is a specific age that you should start dating. I can, however, give you a few things to consider in making that decision. First of all, I would recommend talking to your parents about this. They know you very well and can give you give you a lot of good advice. They truly have your best interests at heart, so it's important to respect them in this decision.
Secondly, keep in mind that there is no rush to begin dating. Statistics showed that only nine percent of those who began dating at the age of twelve would still be virgins by the time they graduated high school, whereas eighty percent of those who waited until the age of sixteen to date remained virgins until they graduated (http://www.pureloveclub.com/). In other words, the earlier a person starts dating the more likely it is that he/she will become sexually active in high school. Also, keep in mind that the vast majority of dating relationships in high school don't lead to marriage, which means that your future husband/wife is most likely still out there - does this relationship lead you closer to finding him/her? How would he/she feel if he could see you in this relationship right now?
Joshua Harris once said that a person is ready to start dating when he/she can "match wisdom with romance." It's important to use your heart AND your head when deciding whether or not to date a certain person. It's also important to remember that when you begin dating you also begin building a foundation for your future marriage. Dating is meant to help you decide whether or not to marry a certain person; if you're still quite a few years away from being able to make that deicision and follow through with it, then I would suggest that you use your time now to build a strong foundation of friendship, rather than dating that person.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Purity of Thought
When thinking about a new view on sex, I feel like most people are only thinking about physical aspects of relationships and sexual intercourse. However, there is so much more involved than that. It is important to not only look at our actions, but also at our thoughts and words. There are other actions involved as well, such as the way we dress, the way we carry ourselves, and how we use our body language. When we talk about someone are we showing our appreciation for their value or are we using degrading terms. Do we speak of sex as a gift or as a joke? Indeed our words and actions are important, but I think it all stems from our thoughts.
Training our thoughts for sexual purity takes time and effort. It is natural to make assumptions and/or judgments when we first see someone. When we see someone with a smile, we may assume that they are friendly. If we see someone that is homeless, we may make other assumptions. However, if we practice making positive assumptions that show respect and appreciation for individuals, we are taking a step in the right direction. The opposite of these positive assumptions, would be negative assumptions that disrespect a person’s dignity or imply that we are lusting after them or using them for our own pleasure.
Our first task is distinguishing between the pure and impure thoughts. Next, we should practice having pure thoughts. When we see someone attractive instead of thinking, that person is hot I wanna get with them, we should look at them as a person and appreciate their true value. When impure thoughts occur, we can pray for them to go away and be replaced with pure thoughts. Changing our thoughts will have an impact on our words and actions.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)