Question Box Friday: Being a good man

How can I become a better man in order to be a good husband?

This is such a great question. It is important to become the best version of yourself. I think a person has to know themselves and their desires before they are able to commit in a relationship. Working on your relationship with God is also essential.

Matthew Kelly has written a book and has a CD out about “Becoming the Best Version of Yourself” the book is called The Rhythm of Life. He talks about living every day with passion and purpose. I would strongly recommend this book and I commend you for taking the initiative to improve yourself and to grow.

A smart woman knows that the way you treat your mother is the way you will someday treat her. So my immediate advice to you is to honor your mother and sisters. Treating the women in your life with respect will create a healthy habit in your life that will be valuable for your future wife.

Living the Virtue of Modesty

The St. Louis Review recently published an article on "Living the Virtue of Modesty through Dress and Thought." You can access the article here: http://stlouisreview.com/article/2009-08-20/living-virtue-modesty. The article interviews Colleen Hammond, a Catholic author and mother of four, on what modesty truly means. Hammond says, "Pope Pius XI said it’s OK to follow the fashions as long as they stay within the guidelines. You don’t have to look frumpy to prove holiness.” The article also interviews Maria Everding, an etiquette consultant, who says, "At Mass, you are going to visit the Lord. If he comes to me in my home, I’ll probably have on a shirt and shorts. But it is His home, and I’m going to dress appropriately.”

Quote of the Week

"Whenever you decide firmly to lead a clean life, chastity will not be a burden on you: it will be a crown of triumph." - St. Josemaria Escriva

Question Box Friday

Q: How do I get out of a sexual relationship and heal from it when we've broken up?

A: Once you make that decision it's incredibly important to stop right where you are and stick with that decision to say no. It can very difficult not to go back and weaken your resolve, but sticking with your decision will make you a stronger person. Healing can also be very painful, but know that it can and will happen in time. Here are some suggestions to help you out:

• Focus on your relationships with your family and close friends. Oftentimes, a pre-marital sexual relationship with someone can cut you off from these important people in your life. If this has happened, take some time to rebuild those relationships.
• Develop your talents and focus on improving yourself. Challenge yourself. Think about what you truly want in life and the kind of person you would like to be. Make some goals for your life and make a plan to reach them.
• Reach out to others - the surest way to "find yourself" is to give of yourself. We were made to be a gift to others, and this is how we as humans are fulfilled. Find an organization or two that you are passionate about and see if you can help in any way.
• Go to Confession. This sacrament is an incredible blessing; the healing that it brings is unmatchable.
• Develop a relationship with Christ. Spend some time in adoration and learn to truly pray. Try the prayer book Pure Faith or Time for God. Priceless.
• Last of all, remember that healing can take a very long time. Learn to be patient, and do not get discouraged.

I just read this article about the birth control pill leading to the death of another woman. I am shocked at the extent to which our culture has taken to prevent pregnancy. Is having a child really worse than getting blood clots from the birth control pill and dying? When are we going to start valuing life more than convenience? Here are some pieces of the article that I want to highlight. The full article can be viewed at http://www.all.org/article.php?id=12169

Washington, D.C. (02 September 2009) – A woman in Austin, Texas, is the latest victim of the deadly side effects of the birth control pill. Patti Kelly, 28, was diagnosed in August with multiple blood clots in both lungs. Her doctor told her that if she hadn’t come into the emergency room when she did, she “could have died instantly.”

Kelly’s doctor named birth control as the driving factor in the onslaught of the blood clots that could have caused Kelly’s death.

Marie Hahnenberg, project director for American Life League’s “The Pill Kills” outreach, is not surprised.

“Not only do the pill, patch, intrauterine device and similar birth control products cause great harm to the woman herself, but these products also can cause early abortions,” Hahnenberg said. “The physical and emotional perils associated with birth control are one of the most closely guarded secrets in the pharmaceutical industry. It’s time women knew the truth.”

As a woman, I want other women to understand all of the risks involved with birth control. I think that Hahnenberg makes a great point in wanting to disclose the secrets and reveal the truth. I hope that more people will be open to the beauty of life and respecting the life that we have already been given, by not choosing to harm our bodies in any way.

Same-Sex "Marriage"?

This week, Vermont became the fourth state to legalize same-sex "marriage." Marriage concerns all of society - not the just the two people being married - and so all of us have a legitimate cause for concern. Society is founded on the family, which in turn is founded on marriage. Marriage was established for the procreation and education of children, first and foremost. Marriage, in an extremely important way, contributes to the common good of society. From a legal standpoint, same-sex "marriages" do not contribute to the common good of society, and therefore should not receive special benefits from the state. It is shown in many studies there are incredible advantages for children who are raised in families with a mother and father. It is wrong, therefore, for the state to confer the "right" of marriage upon two people of the same sex.

For more information: "Homosexuality and the Catholic Church." by Fr. John Harvey, O.S.F.S

What is Love?

Love as attraction: First we must recognize the good of another person; seeing the inner and outer beauty of another person

Love as desire: We must also want goodness for yourself; desiring goodness and happiness

Love as goodwill: We will or desire the good of another person. Love is not selfish, it is generous. Willing the good of another person is the closest to the love with which God loves us which is agape love.

(What a young husband should say to his bride.) “I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us.” – St. John Chrysostom