The New View on Sex

March for Life 2012

2012-01-19T17:11:00.002-05:00

Excited for all of those who will be marching for life on January 23rd in D.C. this year!

BUT, if you can't make it to D.C., head downtown this Sat. Jan 21st for the Cincinnati Pro-Life Rosary Procession and Rally. Our own leaders in the pro-life movement from PCE and PCW will be honored in a special way!

www.cincinnatiprolife.org

Thanks for all you do to promote LIFE!

"I ask you all to have the patience and perseverance to seek justice and peace, to cultivate the taste for what is just and true." - Pope Benedict XVI, Angelus Address January 1, 2012

28 Days on the Pill

2011-12-30T13:56:00.004-05:00

Interesting to think about. How much DO we know about the birth control pill?

http://www.28daysonthepill.com/

Lady Gaga: A Struggle?

2011-12-20T13:27:00.003-05:00

I'm curiously and oddly fascinated by Lady Gaga. After all, she's catchy . . she turns heads . . . she's crazily successful in the music world . . . and she's a talented vocalist. And yet, that odd fascination is just that: odd. I can't think of a more odd persona than Lady Gaga in the music industry at the moment. Her music has always made me wonder, "What the heck . . . really . . . is up with her music?"

She's an interesting woman to take a look at.

I was glancing through this today, and this caught my eye:

"What we see in Stefani, or Lady Gaga as she is called, is a struggle. A constant inner conflict, between expressing and exploring her darkest and most terrifying thoughts and feelings, and doing what she knows is right and what will make her the happiest on the deepest level, the level of truths that don’t change. It’s a struggle between finding a way to be unique while still trying to be popular. It’s about fighting to expose the things we think are great about ourselves, while having a war with those things that hurt our confidence and self-image. . . We all do our best to present an image that will impress others, but when life presents questions we can’t figure out, where will we go for answers?"

A struggle. Lady Gaga's music, music videos, and the image she's created have always seemed to me to be one of a struggle - a breaking away from what is traditional in an attempt to create something, to rebel against something, a shock, to be a "goddess" in some sense, all in an attempt to get something she can't find. It's not something that is spelled out, but the struggle seems to be present. We all struggle. And then the question comes: where do you go for answers?

Read the whole article here.

Dating Culture: A Renaissance

2011-12-15T23:19:00.000-05:00

**Sorry, I thought I had already posted this!**
A while ago, I got to spend time with some of my favorite high school girls and guys—the kids in my home parish’s youth ministry. On this year’s Puritas retreat, the girls learned that they should be pursued, and were now asking, “Why doesn’t that ever happen?” They must not have been satisfied with the guys’ answers, because when I entered the room, the flustered kids all but demanded to know my answer. My initial thought was that more guys would pursue girls if they had male role models and if girls were more modest (I’ll explain another day). I still think those are two important factors, but the more I thought about it, I realized that if I were an average, well-intentioned, adolescent boy, I wouldn’t be pursuing anyone either.

I would pursue a girl if it was as simple as going on a date, non-committally, to spend time together and get to know each other better, but not if it segues into this weird, amorphous crescendo from friendship to exclusivity. Putting myself in the shoes of an average, well-intentioned high school boy who is interested in an average, well-intentioned high school girl:

They know each other and they’re interested in/attracted to each other—this is good and healthy. But then if he initiates any sort of “pursuit,” he’s expected to suddenly be pseudo-committed to her, even if all he wants is to get to know her better. Now they’re “talking but not official,” and there’s this unwritten rule that he can’t be “talking” with any other girl, even though they’re not “official” (I resent the term official here, by the way. There’s nothing official about being boyfriend/girlfriend). “Talking” nebulously escalates into something more serious, and the boy had better be happy with how things ended up because if he backs out now, he’ll be labeled a jerk and everyone will say he led the girl on. When, again, ALL HE WANTED in the first place was to get to know the girl!

I could go on and on, but my point is: no boy in his right mind would pursue a girl in the way that the high school dating culture encourages him to do so. It is purposeless sacrifice (considering the low number of high school relationships that lead to marriage).

In the last blog posts, I have set out to describe the dating cultures I’ve witnessed, from junior high school to college. The characteristic that weaves each group together is ambiguity. Neither parents nor the culture at large communicate an expectation of “how far is too far.” Instead of a clear dating vocabulary, we have adopted phrases like “talking” and “hooking up” that give multiple impressions of what is going on. Texting and chatting online tend to diminish authenticity, accountability, and boundaries. Where previous generations have had clear stages with understood social implications and levels of commitment, we have a total lack of structure. Unintentionally, today’s young couples often end up “sliding instead of deciding” into undefined, pseudo-committed relationships without purpose.

A riveting conversation with my grandparents (married since 1955) confirmed my suspicion that their generation was right on track in one place where my generation gets fuzzy. Imagine a world where you could accurately perceive the intentions of someone of the opposite sex. Envision going to a school dance and being certain that you both consider this a date. Picture yourself spending a couple hours at dinner with someone of the opposite sex without the pressure of misleading him. They had this clarity! We can’t rewind the culture to 1955, but we can pause and clean up this mess a little.

My fellow adolescents, I propose a change in how we roll. Let’s bring back definition and intentionality in how we develop relationships. I propose four stages with names and purposes that could help us think about dating differently:

Dating: spending time with individual member(s) of the opposite sex
Purpose: Developing friendship with one or more members of the opposite sex and
learning the sort of person you would like to marry
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Maintaining a steady, devoted relationship with one member of the opposite sex
Purpose: Deepening friendship while mutually discerning whether God is calling
you to marry each other
Engagement: Preparing to receive and live the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony
Purpose: Deepening friendship with your fiancé, while making arrangements for your
wedding and your marriage
Marriage: A covenant or partnership of life between a man and a woman, for the purpose of the spouses’ well-being, and for conceiving and raising children. For Catholics, marriage is a Sacrament.
Purpose: Helping each other get to heaven through family life

Approaching dating in this way will not solve all of our dating troubles, but it might open the door for more clarity. Once we understand what we’re doing and why, we can more easily recognize what behavior is appropriate, with whom, and when.

My Last Baby?

2011-12-12T15:41:00.003-05:00

I found this on one of my favorite blogs today and thought it was worth sharing....Happy Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe!

- Pat Archbold @ the National Catholic Register

We’re not supposed to feel this way. We’re supposed to be the strong ones. Us men, we face facts, we see things as they are and we move on.

Except I don’t want to move on.

My wife loves babies. The smell of them, the feel of them. She likes ‘em chubby and happy. I do too.

My youngest turned four years old a few weeks ago. She is getting to be so big it is amazing. But her growing up creates a situation in our house that we have never had before. There is no baby.

Ever since our first baby 11 years ago, my wife and I have had a baby in the house. One baby didn’t get to 2 years old before a smelly little playmate joined the household. There was always a baby and that is the way we like it.

But the thing is we got married a little later in life and now we find ourselves on the back end of our forties. We thank God every day for the blessing of five beautiful children. We never imagined we could have even that many and I am eternally grateful.

As my little one celebrated her birthday, my wife made some comments about how she might very well be our last. We are always open to life, but biology is biology. At the time my wife spoke wistfully of missing that anticipation of a new life, a new family member, a new beautiful little person for us to take care of coming to us. She will miss it, she said. I would miss it too, but that is life. We move on.

So the last few weeks she has made a few remarks about how one day we will have grand-kids and how great that will be. She seems to be accepting it. Good. I laughed, but I didn’t really give it much thought at the time. But I did today.

At mass today, a young couple with a little baby sat right in front of us. I looked at the little guy and I felt this big gaping hole where my heart was supposed to be. I felt a sense of loss for the babies I will never have. I am not supposed to feel this way, am I?

I realized there and then how much I would have loved to have another one (or five) and that I don’t like the fact that the door to that part of my life may be closing. I don’t want to face facts, I don’t want to move on. I want to hold another little Archbold in my arms, a chubby little smelly Archbold.

My wife and I have been so blessed by a good God and if this is the family He wanted then so be it. And I am sure we will make great grandparents one day. But I think I will hold onto the crib a little longer. Facts are overrated anyway.

www.ncregister.com

What's Wrong with Porn?

2011-12-09T13:55:00.002-05:00

Great thoughts!

Matthew Fradd - www.theporneffect.com

TLC’s Virgin Diaries: Everything You Need to Know About Virgins?

2011-12-05T13:21:00.001-05:00

Well, no one can accuse TLC of false advertising. As expected, “Virgin Diaries,” was an hour-long, nearly painful display of awkwardness. Throughout the show I asked, “What do the producers want us, the audience, to think? How do they hope we will react?” The answer to those questions was pretty obvious: the six protagonists were portrayed as little less than a circus side show, as TLC implicitly hollered, “Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! Come see six real, live, abstinent adults!”
The word of the day is syllogism. This may help you on the SAT. Wikipedia tells me “A syllogism … is a kind of logical argument in which one proposition (the conclusion) is inferred from two or more others (the premises) of a certain form.” For example, the producers wanted their viewers to arrive at the following syllogism:

Major premise: All the people on this show are incredibly weird.
Minor premise: All the people on this show are virgins.
Conclusion: All virgins are incredibly weird.

     Here’s the problem: the show focused on the one thing that all six people were not doing, having sex. This makes about as much sense as producing a show (and drawing conclusions) about six people who don’t eat broccoli or six people who have never had braces.
     A virgin may or may not be weird. A weirdo may or may not be a virgin. I have friends who have reserved kissing for marriage. Not one of them regretted it, and not one of their weddings imposed a moment of repulsion or discomfort upon their “dearly beloved” family and friends.
     I am a 22-year-old virgin, by choice. It’s not that I have never had the opportunity or desire to have sex, it’s not because I believe sex is bad, it’s not because I’m afraid of the consequences. I am a virgin because the virtue of chastity is such a worthwhile pursuit. I strive to be pure in my thoughts, words, and actions so that I can see others as God sees them, and treat them as such. I dress modestly because I recognize that my body is valuable and therefore worth protecting, and because I profoundly respect men who train themselves to look lovingly at women, not lustfully. I practice chastity because I desire to give myself (which includes my sexuality) to my future husband with as much integrity and wholeness as I possibly can. As a result, I live a life filled with confidence, joy, and freedom. I am enjoying this season of my life (which, gasp, does not include sexual activity) but I look hope to get married someday. When “someday” comes, I can guarantee you, I will not regret choosing virtue over “experience.”

Dating Culture: College

2011-11-18T17:00:00.001-05:00

I began my undergraduate career ata liberal, secular college and finished at a conservative, Catholic university. Both were small, private schools inOhio, but the two had vastly different dating cultures.

The first is a party school. A dayin the life of a typical student consists of attending class, eating,exercising, studying, hanging out or partying with friends, and sleeping. Atypical student is often a member of one or two extracurricular clubs, too.Outside of that, there wasn’t very much to do because the school is out in themiddle of nowhere. I was blessed with great friends on the soccer team, though,so I was never bored. There are more girls than guys, I think about 3:2. Peoplehang out in common areas such as the cafeteria and the student center, butspend most of their free time in each other’s living quarters (there arevarious types), which are either co-ed or have very relaxed rules on mixedcompany. I don’t recall a penalty for staying the night in the room of someoneof the opposite sex. Although there are exceptions, hooking up is the culturalnorm. Many girls have a “no strings attached” attitude on sexuality and don’twant anything serious. Contraception is widely accessible and widely used. Datesare rare, but steady relationships do exist. The school is tiny, so everyone’snews travels fast, whether they like it or not. Still, I had a very positiveexperience there overall.

The second is a profoundlyCatholic school. A day in the life of a typical student consists of attendingclass, eating, participating in a faith community known as a household,studying, playing an intramural sport, attending daily Mass, serving as aregular member of a ministry, hanging out with friends, and sleeping. Moststudents are ridiculously over-committed. Obviously, boredom was not an issuethere either. There are more girls than guys—once again, the ratio is about3:2. Guys and girls primarily hang out together in the cafeteria, the studentcenter, common rooms, outside (weather permitting), and other public places.Girls spend a lot of their free time in each other’s dorms or apartments, whichare single-sex and have very strict rules on quiet hours, common room usage,and when/where a member of the opposite sex may visit. Although there areexceptions, chastity is the cultural norm, goal, and expectation. Many girlsare there for their “MRS” degrees and hope for a “ring by spring”; that is,getting engaged by the time they graduate. Contraception is not necessarybefore marriage, and not a moral option afterwards. Many people do go on datesand there are a lot of steady, serious-as-a-heart-attack relationships.However, due somewhat to the fact that many students are actively discerningpriesthood or religious life, and due largely to the ratio of girls to guys,and most people are single. This school is also tiny, so once again everyone’snews travels fast, whether they like it or not. Overall, I had a wonderful timethere too.

The first school is a betterrepresentation of typical college life than the second. Colleges (especially larger ones) featurecountless other cultural factors, from active Newman clubs to active Greeklife. Going away to college is a blast, and it is possible to have good, cleanfun anywhere.

Thanksgiving: Forthose who stand up for what is right, even when they stand alone.

Prayer requests:That leaders/administrators of colleges take seriously their responsibility tocreate an environment of true respect.

Leftover Q&A

2011-10-27T12:22:00.002-04:00

We interrupt this blog series on dating to bring you answers to the questions we couldn't answer before the bell rang in some of our classes last week! All our students have the opportunity to anonymously ask us anything they would like about chastity (and anything else relevant to what we've discussed). We had such a great batch of questions and we were crushed when the bell rang! SO here are our answers:

ALICIA, KELLY, & PREGNANCY CENTER EAST:
How long have you been teaching/working for PCE?
Alicia has been working at the Center since June 2009. Kelly began in September 2011.

How/why did you get involved in PCE?
Kelly: I have been passionate about chastity education since I was in high school. When I saw the opening for this job, I knew it was perfect, and I was right! Working in the pro-life movement was an added bonus to which I was really drawn and that remains to be the case.
Alicia: I took this job because my decision to practice chastity in high school really changed my life for the better, and I wanted to work in area that I knew would truly make a difference in lives :) I love it!

Are you a virgin? Do either of you practice chastity?
Yep. We are both virgins and we are right there with you in the trenches, doing our best to practice the virtue of chastity!

Have either of you broken chastity? Would/do you regret it?
Yes, we both have made mistakes we regret. Impurity always results in heartache (at the very least). More important than regret is repentance. In the Sacrament of Confession, we have both found healing, strength, hope, and love. We have each been empowered by grace to begin again, and what a blessing it is to live the virtue of chastity!

How old is the youngest girl to come to PCE and found out she was pregnant?
The youngest clients we have had at PCE were 12 years old.

BOYS & BOUNDARIES:
What do guys look for in girls?
A lot of boys, especially in adolescence, are focused on the physical. Rather than in building a lasting, healthy, balanced relationship that draws both people to God and makes them better, lots of guys are interested in what they can "get" from a girl. A lot of them grow out of that, which is a relief.
There are also great men out there who see women as God does. These men see each woman as a daughter of the King of kings and treat her as such.
It is impossible to be all things to all people, so my advice is this. Worry about what God wants you to become. Ask the Lord, "Help me become the woman you created me to be." The closer you are to becoming that woman, the easier it will be for the right man to find you!

What should we look for in guys?
If boys will be boys, then look for a real man! Here's some advice from a few of Kelly's guy friends:
A real man cherishes and respects the woman he loves.
Boys will say “I love you” to get girls to be physical with them. Some girls reinforce this by being physical in order to feel loved, but please don’t fall for it.
When a real man tells a girl “I love you,” he loves her for who she is as a Child of God, not for what she is on this earth.
If a boy gets a girl to be physical so he will say “I love you”, it’s a lie. “I love you” is not leverage.
For a real man, love isn’t a feeling or something he says; it is an action!
A real man would prove his love to you in what he does and how he does it. Only saying how he feels is not enough.
A boy will value a girl to the extent that he can see and experience her physically.
A real man will value going beyond physical features and value a girl for her personality, faith, and morals.

Do guys want someone who is more pure or who is experienced?
There are guys on both sides of that fence. Attempting to win them all over is setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. God has a perfect plan for you (cf. Jeremiah 29:11)! You are trusting him by pouring your energy into becoming the person he wants you to be. Let him figure out the rest! Live in the freedom that purity brings; don't fall prey to lust in the name of experience.

Where can we find chaste guys?
You deserve a man who has only one thing on his mind. No, not lust; doing God's will! The man who is capable of loving you properly is the man who is constantly seeking to love like Jesus. So what's the rush? A man like that is certainly worth the wait, and he deserves your patience. Learn to embrace singleness first. In the mean time, build the kingdom of God and enjoy being single! Loving yourself and others is a skill you will need regardless of your vocation and that is something you can learn right now. Get started on becoming a woman of God and let Mr. Right find you! Some ways to make yourself easier to find are dressing modestly, living and verbalizing your values, and spending time with peers who share your convictions. If you want to go where the good men are, I don't recommend looking for them in dark alleys, parties that feature alcohol/drugs, or detention. Try your local parish ;)

How do you know that you have the "right" guy?

There are several questions you should ask yourself:

1. Does this relationship make us both better people? Are we moving closer to heaven because of it or farther away? Remember that marriage is a vocation - your path to holiness.

2. Would this person be a good husband and father? Does he possess qualities that you hope your kids will have someday?

3. Do you both have a correct understanding of what a sacramental marriage is?

4. Is it love? Take the Love Test.

5. Pray about it! God wants the absolute best for you and will help guide you to your vocation and choice of a spouse.

Are you a virgin if you have oral sex?

"Technically" one loses his/her virginity when that person engages in sexual intercourse. However, keep in mind that purity is not just about the "technical" side of things - purity is in your mind and your heart - moving closer to God and authentic love and not of farther away from it. With that being said, sexual intercourse and oral sex outside of marriage are both serious sins.

If a guy wants to make out, should we assume he wants to have sex? Is it not practicing chastity when you kiss/make out with someone?
Making out can (and anything further does) prepare the body for sex. He may say that he doesn't want to go any further but, if he is aroused, his body is saying the opposite.
If making out causes one or both of you to become sexually aroused, then the boundary of "how far is too far" has already been crossed, purity has been compromised, and it's time to hit the brakes. Re-draw the physical boundaries of the relationship (take 2 steps back). If he has a problem with that, then his intentions are neither loving nor pure, and he can take that up with your dad.

Is getting fingered having sex?
"Getting fingered" is a type of masturbation and it is sexual activity, which means that outside of marriage, it is a violation of chastity, a mortal sin, and certainly not what is best for either person (ergo, it is not love).

My boyfriend thinks it's weird that I want to wait until marriage to have sex. He is not abstinent and wants to have sex before marriage. Is he the right guy for me?

See above for "Is this the right guy for me?" question.... I would ask yourself, "Is this authentic love?" Keep in mind that love is the action of doing what is best for someone else. And remember, marriage is your path to heaven! The issue of chastity is an incredibly important one to be "on the same page" with because chastity is a virtue and continues on in marriage - it has everything to do with loving rightly. Seek a man whose desire is to love you the way that Christ loved HIS bride - willing to sacrifice and lay down his life for you.

LIFE ISSUES:
How many girls, after hearing how the baby is treated during the abortion, actually choose abortion? I [Alicia] don't know the actual stats for this, but at PCE I am guessing about 70% or more will choose life.

How can we make a difference and help abortion not happen? What are some things that we could do if we recently became pro-life?

1. Pray! We see miracles truly happen at the Center all the time...your prayers make a difference!

2. Volunteer at pro-life pregnancy centers. Even the simple action of sorting baby clothes moves us forward in our mission to protect life.

3. Bring the pro-life message into your everyday life - conversations with friends, facebook, school clubs, etc.

4. Educate yourself. There are so many aspects of the pro-life message:

5. Being pro-life is not simply about stopping abortion; it's valuing all human life. You can make a huge difference by your witness to seeing the true value of each human person - just by being present to them, loving them through your actions, respect etc.

Are there times when having an abortion is okay?
The only case in which it is morally acceptable to abort a child is when the mother's life is in serious danger, such as in an ectopic (or tubal) pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy, if not terminated, always results in the deaths of both the mother and her baby. In cases where the baby will survive, but the mother is in grave danger of death as a result of childbirth, the decision of whether or not to carry the child to term belongs to the family. In these cases, it is morally acceptable to terminate the pregnancy or, make the same choice that St. Gianna Beretta Molla, who sacrificed her own life for the sake of her child, did.

How many women die in childbirth these days?
This article shows the Maternal Mortality rate for the USA (16.7 of every 100,000) and many other countries.

How many types of STDs are there?
There are at least 25 different STDs (source).

Dating Culture: High School

2011-10-03T11:25:00.002-04:00

     For a description of the dating culture in high school, begin with my description of junior high dating, and subtract a few more boundaries. Now add cars, cell phones, make-up, birth control, higher academic and athletic standards, access to alcohol, and plenty of hormones.
     The dating culture of my high school years was tacitly divided into three categories: single, couple, or hooking up. To their chagrin, the majority of students were single. I was single too, but I came to appreciate it, which has been beneficial both in and out of a relationship.
      “Hooking up” is an all-encompassing term for any sexual experience, usually outside of a committed relationship. Hooking up can refer to anything from French kissing to sexual intercourse. The girls who hook up usually gain a reputation for it, and are invited to a lot of the big parties. Hooking up often involves alcohol and a lack of adult supervision (or the “supervision” of adults with the philosophy that if their kids are going to party, they ought to do it at home). After singleness, hooking up was the next most common.The minority of students was in long-term, monogamous, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. There isn’t much of a pursuit: a boy and a girl are single/just friends, then “talking,” then “official.” “Ken and Barbie are talking” is an ambiguous way of saying that they are paying extra attention to each other as they develop mutual crushes. “Talking” meant more flirting in person, on the phone, and via AIM instant messaging, which has been replaced by programs such as Facebook chat and Skype. In the past few years, “texting” has etched its way into becoming a sub-phase of talking.
     Talking was and still is the last step before dating/going out/being official/being boyfriend and girlfriend/being a couple. That usually consists of “just hanging out” and doing “whatever.” That could mean watching a movie at his or her house, inviting other friends over, walking around the mall, or anything.
     Couples enjoy one-on-one time whenever possible: between classes, at lunch, in study hall, after school, at parties, at each other’s houses, etc. There is no actual dating, except occasionally taking a date to a dance (and even then, you might be going as “just friends”). Although we had the means—some spending money, access to a car, etc.—real dates of any sort were and are very rare in high school.
     This post may seem verbose and/or downright confusing. That is because so many words in the dating vocabulary are used interchangeably. One word could have multiple meanings or no real meaning at all.
     The high school dating culture is ambiguous and fueled by hormones run amok. Need proof? If you ever go to the girls’ restroom during a high school dance, you will find that there is always at least one girl crying in there. It is the strangest thing! After spending time and money to look red carpet ready, Wendy McWeeperson finds herself surrounded by 3-5 friends, comforting her, re-applying mascara to her puffy eyes, and telling her, “You’re face isn’t that red. If I hadn’t seen you crying, I definitely wouldn’t be able to tell.”
     As I dived deeper into my faith, I became increasingly aware of how many talented, beautiful, unique, kindhearted girls in my school were looking for love, but wouldn’t have recognized it even if they’d found it. Every day brought stories of “He cheated on me,” “Did I tell you what happened at the party Friday?” “That blueberry has too many calories,” and “I heard they hooked up…”
There is absolutely hope for the high school dating culture. However, cleaning up that mess will require strong teens who know themselves, are committed to strong values, and desire the freedom that comes from establishing and maintaining boundaries.

Dating Culture: Junior High

2011-09-23T16:28:00.002-04:00

Heads up! This and the other posts in the series about the dating scene are simply my own perspective; it is not Church teaching, nor does it necessarily reflect the views of anyone affiliated with me personally or professionally. Okay, you can put your head back down.

By the time I was about 12 yearsold, most of my friends were “going out” with someone. It became cliché for ourparents or our friends’ parents to sarcastically ask, “Oh? And where exactlyare they going?” We would roll our eyes at the irritating, patronizing, andembarrassing question. Sometimes, if we felt up to it, we would push back:“Mommm, it doesn’t mean they go places.They’re boyfriend and girlfriend. [Insert deep, exasperated sigh here].”

“Going out” in junior high meantcouples held hands, talked on the phone, couple skated at Friday Night Skate,passed notes in school, walked around at the mall together, sat together atlunch, etc. Physical boundaries varied from hand-holding, to hands venturing towhere they certainly do not belong. Many of the serious conversations wereaccomplished through a liaison, some mutual friend who would go back and forthbetween the boy and the girl, bringing messages such as:

“Barbie likes you.”

“Ken says he likes you too. I’mgoing to push him at you when we pass your locker.”

I desperately wanted a boyfriend.I don’t know if it was because I wanted to be just like my friends, who werethe coolest girls I’d ever known, or if I thought that having a boyfriend wouldmake me feel pretty. It was probably a mixture of the two.

Fortunately, I didn’t have aboyfriend during this period of my life. That poor boy would have been saddledwith the burden of my insecurities—a burden that could only be lifted by God(and eventually was, when I allowed him to do so). Thank God, I grew upexperiencing the love of Jesus in my home life; otherwise I probably would havebeen even more desperate for a boyfriend, and more disappointed if I’d had one.

Junior high is tough. Everyone isfighting to fit in, while balancing new freedoms, looking at different highschools, hitting puberty at different rates, and more. The unwritten law ofjunior high culture is: if you don’t want to get made fun of, the best defenseis a good offense. Be exclusive or be excluded. If someone is making a jokethat you don’t understand or that you don’t like, you had better laugh anyway,or you’ll be the next punch line. It’s no wonder that junior high girls wantboyfriends to make them feel beautiful, popular, and loved*.

Dating is not the solution. A girl longing to feel beautiful andloved needs solid relationships with friends, family, and above all, with God.Interest in and curiosity about boys is normal, natural, and healthy. But whywould we leave her to her own devices to figure out what to do with thatinterest? She may not always admit it, but she needs guidance. Instead oftreating junior high culture like a joke, those of us adults who have arelationship with a junior higher ought to encourage her to practice her uniquetalents, improve at being a good friend, develop a relationship with Christ,develop firm values, and think for herself.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he isold, he will not depart from it." – Proverbs 22:6

*This statement is basedon my own observations, experiences, and conversations with junior high girls.

Dating Culture: What Parents & Publishers Don’t Know

2011-09-16T00:24:00.001-04:00

What the parents of my generation seemingly don’t realize or weren’t prepared for is the fact that, at some point, datingstructure and boundaries mostly went out the window. I’ve been throughcountless great books and programs about Christian dating/relationships thatstill operate under the assumption that teens date. In reality, dating has (d)evolved into a formless,nameless social scene. These otherwise great books and programs presume anorder and a vocabulary that, in my experience, are more or less obsolete. As aresult, parents and publishers are outdated before they open their mouths ortype a word.

I’m told that knowledge is power,so my hope is that the next few posts will empower parents who might not realizehow my generation rolls. My other intention is to encourage my peers tore-think “dating” as we know it, by taking an honest look at some of the datingcultures that we have survived.

I assume that most of my readersshare my genes or at least know me personally, but for any outliers: I grew upin a friendly, middle class suburb, graduated from a Catholic high school in2007, attended a very secular college, and transferred to a very Catholicuniversity. I am 22 years old, and have always had close friends who have datedin every dating culture that I intend to describe. If this were a court, I’d bea witness. What I mean is that my perspective is that of a friend, not of agirlfriend (since my only direct dating experience took place in anothercountry with a very different dating culture).

If you want the perspective of anexperienced “dater,” I’m afraid you are reading the wrong blog. However, Iencourage you to verify them with your son or daughter. If their culture doesn’t matchup with mine, have them explain the differences! It would be a great way todeepen your understanding of their world.

Parents, your kids need youto be “in the loop.” They are probably more willing to talk about their datingculture than you realize, but they might not know how to talk to you about it.They might think that you won’t listen, or that you will react in an unlovingway. I say this, not to tell you how to parent, but as a young daughter who has had to learn the benefit ofdiscussing dating and sexuality with my parents and with other adults who sharetheir values.

When it comes to teen “dating,”it’s kind of a mess out there. However, the mess can absolutely be navigated,especially if you know what your child faces, and how to dodge the trapsthat lie in wait to break his or her heart.

Please note: This blog is aimed more at teens, so if you think you know of a parent who would appreciate reading these posts, please send it to him/her. More importantly, this and the following "dating culture" posts are simply my own perspective; it is not Church teaching, nor doesit necessarily reflect the views of anyone affiliated with me personally orprofessionally. Some restrictions apply. Batteries not included. Please seestore for details.

A Gift of Self on 9/11/01

2011-09-11T15:16:00.002-04:00

Authentic love courageously perseveres and selflessly sacrifices, putting others' well-being first.

"To humanity, which sometimes seems to be lost and dominated by the power of evil, selfishness and fear, the risen Lord gives the gift of his love which forgives, reconciles and reopens the soul to hope." - Blessed John Paul II

What's in a Name?

2011-09-09T16:53:00.000-04:00

In preparation for the upcoming school year, I have been redesigning and reordering many of the materials we use for the In Control chastity education program. I was particularly struck by one that lists some of the freedoms gained through practicing the virtue of chastity:

Freedom from:

1. Sexually transmitted diseases

2. Being used

3. Guilt

4. The hazards of birth control

5. Cervical cancer

6. Unintended pregnancy

7. The pressure to abort, the pain of making an adoption plan, and the demands of pre-marital parenting

Freedom to:

1. Build relationships

2. Understand sex and sexuality

3. Overcome temptation

4. Put others first

5. Follow Christ

6. Become who I was created to be

I couldn't help but notice that the first list is conditions/outcomes, while the second is free actions. Chastity often makes the difference between "ending up" with negative results and voluntarily choosing a course of action.

It's no wonder that our program is called In Control.

Nice to Meet You!

2011-09-02T12:31:00.000-04:00

Hi, I'm Kelly, the new girl. I am 22 years old and the fourth of five children in a cradle Catholic family. I have played soccer since I was four, and I love to sing and make people laugh. For as long as I can remember, I have had the habit of twirling my hair and an irrational fear of needles. I laugh loudly and often, my favorite color is pink, my favorite food is sushi, and my pet peeves include morning radio and losing things.
I transferred to Franciscan University of Steubenville as a junior catechetics major and, in my two years there, I sang in music ministry, was a cast member of Pun Intended (an improvisational comedy team), and active in the household Carae Domini. I played varsity soccer my junior year, became captain my senior year, and served as the assistant women’s coach during my final semester at the University.
I founded Puritas Ministries when I was 18 years old as a response to my friends’ need and desire for an understanding of the virtue of chastity. Since then, with the help of amazing volunteers, I have developed and expanded the mission of the program to serve young women more holistically. The program continues to emphasize chastity with a wider focus on understanding how to be women of faith as God created each of us to be.
Spreading the message of the freedom found in chastity is one of my favorite activities, so of course I am super pumped to jump in the classrooms and talk to students in the Cinci area. Working with this beautiful organization (plus the wonderful staff, board, and volunteers) is a sincere privilege, as serving women is a deep desire of my heart. I am so pleased to be joining Pregnancy Center East as a chastity educator and I look forward to all that lies ahead. May God bless those who read this blog.

Ten inspiring young Catholics!

2011-08-27T23:11:00.003-04:00

This is great news for the Church . . . Inspiring to see so many amazing young people! Including Matthew Fradd of the The Porn Effect and Lila Rose of Live Action . . .

"Meet Ten Amazing Young Catholics." - posted in the UK Catholic Herald.

WORLD YOUTH DAY!

2011-08-19T11:41:00.003-04:00

I love our Pope!

MESSAGE OF HIS HOLINESS

POPE BENEDICT XVI

FOR THE TWENTY-SIXTH WORLD YOUTH DAY (2011)

“Planted and built up in Jesus Christ,

firm in the faith” (cf. Col 2:7)

"In every period of history, including our own, many young people experience a deep desire for personal relationships marked by truth and solidarity. Many of them yearn to build authentic friendships, to know true love, to start a family that will remain united, to achieve personal fulfilment and real security, all of which are the guarantee of a serene and happy future. . . . Part of being young is desiring something beyond everyday life and a secure job, a yearning for something really truly greater. Is this simply an empty dream that fades away as we become older? No! Men and women were created for something great, for infinity. Nothing else will ever be enough. Saint Augustine was right when he said “our hearts are restless till they find their rest in you”. The desire for a more meaningful life is a sign that God created us and that we bear his “imprint”. God is life, and that is why every creature reaches out towards life. Because human beings are made in the image of God, we do this in a unique and special way. We reach out for love, joy and peace. So we can see how absurd it is to think that we can truly live by removing God from the picture! God is the source of life. To set God aside is to separate ourselves from that source and, inevitably, to deprive ourselves of fulfilment and joy: “without the Creator, the creature fades into nothingness” (Second Vatican Council, Gaudium et Spes, 36). "

- Message for the XXVI World Youth Day, 2011

You can read his addresses and WATCH LIVE here.

So, what is it?

2011-08-18T21:46:00.008-04:00

1. I am a girl. Which means that I am partial to chick flicks, enjoy chocolate quite frequently, and just so happen to love the color pink, and really like flowers. [Not that you have to be into chick flicks, chocolate and the color pink to be a girl, but it hasn't hurt me yet.]

2. I am a chastity educator. Which means that I spend large quantities of my time and energy talking about, thinking about, blogging about, and reading about the subject of LOVE. [Because chastity has everything to do with authentic love. It does. Think about it. For a very long time.]

2. I love love. Real love - not just the chick flicks that are saturated with it [all you have to do is read the synopsis of Crazy, Stupid, Love - which speaks for itself. But I won't even go there...] or the Valentine's Day roses, or even the chocolate. We are literally surrounded with the idea that love is a feeling . . . that it's the fireworks, the infatuation, the chick flicks, Katy Perry's songs etc. Not that loving sappy chick flicks or flowers is bad . . .

But. True love? Real love?

Check this out. I have read this at least three or four times today (remember, I am a chastity educator) but it is absolutely beautiful. Beautiful. Deep down, I think we all realize that we're called to more than what we're surrounded by. Especially when it comes to love. Because this is what we were MADE for.

Just to give you an idea . . .

One day two disciples were walking down a dusty road with their Teacher, and the conversation turned toward marriage, and how the only enduring foundation for marriage is true love.

“Teacher,” one of them asked, “please tell us, What is true love?”

And the Teacher said to them,

“If a man and a woman find joy in one another’s presence,

if they can scarcely keep themselves apart,

if to her,

He is like the sun rising in its strength and beauty,

if she loves to hear his voice, to look at Him and to feel his arms around her,

and if to him,

She is like the moon and ten thousand stars shining on a summer’s night,

or like the fragrance of roses at dawn….

if her touch is like magic and her kisses sweeter than wine,

if they love to laugh together, sing together, dance together, cry together—

this is a gift from God, it is good.

But, I tell you solemnly, this is not true love . . . "

So what is it? Find out.

"The King's Men" Fight Porn

2011-08-05T10:16:00.001-04:00

The title of Dave Dinuzzo's blog post the other day caught my eye: "Local Group Takes Porn Protest into Adult World . . . " These men have dedicated their time and energy into showing the world what Real Men look like - and it's making a difference.

Check out Dave Dinuzzo's website and blog http://www.truemanhood.com/ Incidentally, Dave is also a fellow Benedictine College grad - Go Ravens!

The "Feminine Genius"?

2011-08-04T23:05:00.005-04:00

The "feminine genius" . . . this whole summer during True Beauty we've talked about what John Paul means by this term. As I was reading John Paul II's "Letter to Women" recently these words jumped out at me - words that embody the "feminine genius" and the dignity of women that he speaks of so often: motherhood, obedience, help, mystery, service, complementary, human, beauty and love.

Read "Letter to Women" here - it's short, easy-to-read, and packed with JP2 goodness!

"The basic plan of the Creator takes flesh in the history of humanity and there is constantly revealed, in the variety of vocations, that beauty-not merely physical, but above all spiritual-which God bestowed from the very beginning on all, and in a particular way on women. . . The Church sees in Mary the highest expression of the "feminine genius" and she finds in her a source of constant inspiration. Putting herself at God's service, she also put herself at the service of others: a service of love. " - "Letter to Women" by Pope John Paul II

Leah Darrow: "The Real Beauty is Truth"

2011-08-03T09:57:00.007-04:00

I just ordered this from Catholic Answers today, and I am pretty excited to check it out. Leah Darrow has been on the speaking circuit for the past year or so, and this is her new video:

Leah Darrow has an awesome strory - the title of this DVD says it all: "From Top Model to Role Model." Leah was on "America's Next Top Model" before she experienced a huge transformation of the heart and came back to her faith. I think her witness is set to make a huge impact on our youth today, especially for young women, because I believe that beauty is incredibly misunderstood, and very one-sided, in our culture today.
This interview on EWTN's "Life on the Rock" is fantastic to take a look at, too. She pretty much hits it all - her testimony, fashion, the reality of "reality TV," the brokenness in the beauty industry, and purity.

"The human being is single, unique, and unrepeatable, someone thought of and chosen from eternity, someone called and identified by name" ... ~ Bl. Pope John Paul II

THE EUCHARIST - an amazingly intimate encounter with God!

2011-08-02T11:23:00.004-04:00

Last night in Theology of the Body for Teens we talked about the Eucharist and marital love - "This is my body given for you" (Lk 22:19). This YouTube video does a great job of explaining it! Also, Jackie Francois is an amazingly gifted singer - I really enjoy hearing her music and reading her blog.... www.jackiefrancois.com.

Quest for Purity...

2011-07-29T11:45:00.000-04:00

Want to Change your View on Sex?

2011-06-30T09:41:00.003-04:00

Come to PCE for the summer!

Theology of the Body for Teens

Looking for a way to learn about chastity, eat FREE Chipotle, and meet new friends?

Who: All male and female teens who are incoming high school freshman through incoming college freshmen.

When: We are offering two separate five-week classes on Mondays and Wednesdays from July 11th - August 10th. The afternoon class will meet twice a week from 1– 3 p.m. The night class will meet twice a week from 6—8 p.m.

Where: Pregnancy Center East @ 3944 Edwards Rd in Cincinnati. (513) 321 –8584.

Cost: The program is free and includes lunch or dinner and a copy of the workbook.

More Info: If you are interested or would like to register, please contact Alicia at 321-8584

Thoughts on Marriage and Modesty . . .

2011-06-28T17:42:00.002-04:00

There are some days that I really, really enjoy reading Simcha Fisher's blog over at the National Catholic Register. Today was one of those days.

Head over to see why!

1. Fast Girls: these high school girls who dressed modestly did better in track meets.
2. Should I Marry Him? (Or, ladies, should you date him?) Good answers to a classic question.

Theology of the Body for Teens Essay Winners

2011-06-03T17:05:00.003-04:00

Kudos to these teens for their inspiring essays on how Theology of the Body has impacted their lives as young men and women in today's culture. The winning essay is "The Search for True Manhood" and can be found here.

"He's My Hero."

2011-05-27T21:36:00.002-04:00

A beautiful witness to authentic love. This is a clip of a husband who gave his life to save his wife from the destruction of one of the recent tornadoes in Joplin, MO. You can see the interview with his wife, Bethany, here.

Is Chastity Possible?

2011-05-03T11:20:00.002-04:00

Check out this video made by Salt and Light Television, a Catholic media source. This video was made in response to the pastoral letter on chastity put out in January by the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops. The letter can be found here.

"She was going to give this baby every chance she could . . . "

2011-04-21T12:56:00.004-04:00

Speaking of sacrifice and love, this is a beautiful story that just came out of a young woman with cancer who chose to sacrifice her own life in the hope that her unborn baby would be given a chance to live. Her baby "baby Jessi" was delivered by C-section at 23 1/2 weeks, weighing in at 1 lb 3 oz. Doctors say that she is doing well.

I was really struck by her husband's perspective - what a great amount of love and sacrifice it must have taken on his part, as well.

He recently blogged "A Note about Questioning God" and ends it with:

"Those who are hurting, be comforted. God knows that we are dust. God gave us emotions, and He knows that life is full of pain. He hears our questions; He collects our tears; He felt our pain as He became sin for us on the cross. He does not turn up his nose to our questions. True, He may not answer our questions directly, but He does not despise us for them. In the end, my Friends, all we can do is put our hands over our mouths and worship and trust Him with our lives. God is good all the time."

Suffering and Love

2011-04-19T19:05:00.002-04:00

It's Holy Week! Hands down one of the most amazing weeks of the year. This year I'm staying "home" here in Cincinnati and am getting pretty excited to experience Holy Week at my parish, and all of the Cincinnati traditions that come along with Holy Week and Easter.

So, it's been a little while since I've blogged. But I knew right away what I wanted to talk about: suffering and love.

I think a lot of the time we have a somewhat skewed vision of what love honestly is. When I ask someone in "In Control" what love is about nineteen times out of twenty someone will respond "it's a really strong feeling when you really care about someone." That's not bad, but we're missing something important: love isn't just about feelings. Love is a choice, a decision to put someone else above yourself. Or, in other words, it's about sacrifice.

I was reading an amazing book this week called I Believe in Love, and in this book there is an awesome thought: "What is a love that does not prove itself? I told you that love is a choice. What merit is there in choosing Jesus if we only have to follow Him on a path of roses? How would we know if it was He or the roses on the pathway which we were following?" Love proves itself in suffering. I think Holy Week is a great time to reflect on this. What is my attitude towards the Cross? What is authentic love? It is not simply the roses, but the suffering, too.

"See, I will not forget you. I have carved you in the palm of my hand." ~ Isaiah 49:15.

Goodness Reigns ~ Beauty

2011-03-28T16:10:00.002-04:00

Check it out! This video clip comes from Goodness Reigns, a short film contest for teens/young adults on the Catholic faith and what makes it so awesome. The contest runs from April 1 - May 1, 2011 and the winner will receive $1,000 in cash. There are tons of topics in these videos (confession, the sacraments etc.) but here's one that focuses on authentic beauty from the inside out. "Remember, take care of your body and your soul because I am in your heart."

The short biography of Ke$ha

2011-03-11T10:21:00.014-05:00

Kesha Rose Sebert was Born in 1987 and is currently a pop singer and pop icon recognized as Ke$ha. She was not always the seductive, foul lyriced girl she is today, here is a short biography.

Kesha lived with her older brother and mother in Los Angeles, CA and her mom was a struggling songwriter that was rather unsuccessful. The family lived off welfare and food stamps, on her website she says "One of my first memories is my mom telling me, 'If you want something, just take it.'" When Kesha was 4, she moved to Nashville with her family, where her mother landed a songwriting contract.

Kesha went to music school and spent a lot of time with her mother in recording studios singing and making demos being very inspired by country music (wouldn't of guessed that one, huh!?) Kesha dropped out of high school at 17 to pursue her music career and moved back to Los Angeles and changed her name to "Ke$ha". She started out by being back up vocalist for Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton (both wonderful influences for a 17 yr old drop out... NOT!)

How did she make it BIG, then? She dropped an unpaid cameo in Flo Rida's hit song "Right Round" (Possibly the gnarliest and dirtiest song of that year) She then got a record contract with RCA and began pumping out her first album "Animal".

Ke$ha's lyrics are very dirty and trashy and there is nothing more sad than walking into a 6th grade class and asking the kids who they listen to and all of the girls yell out "Ke$ha!" Biography.com has a documented conversation about her fans and her suggested lyrics. "I'm not a babysitter," the singer says. "It's their parents' responsibility to take care of them." For Ke$ha, her life provides much of the inspiration for her songs. "I'll go out with my friends and get rowdy . . . I'm not sorry, and I will write about it."
The album, "Animal" reached the top of the billboard charts after its release in 2010. In addition to "Tik Tok," Ke$ha has even more big hit singles "Blah Blah Blah" and "Your Love Is My Drug."

Rocky, why are you writing about Ke$ha? Look, the reason i am putting putting out biographies on pop icons is because we all need to realize that first off, these people are normal human beings, they get sad, money does not make them happy, they are not God, they should not be your idol and they all are fake for the cameras and to be "famous/infamous".

When you live on welfare and move around with your mom growing up in recording studios, it is hard to not want to be a famous singer to make your parent proud. As a high school drop out looking for a way to survive, when you come along and start hanging with super rich Britney and Paris, you are going to be influenced. Have we not had most of our bad influences come from older "friends"?! You want to fit in, be cool, be like them. Way to go Ke$ha, you are just like them and now thousands of middle school girls want to be just like you, seductive, trashy, drunk and no respect for your sexuality or your beautiful soul.

Info found at:
http://www.biography.com/articles/Kesha-562676

The Latest Stats Say. . .

2011-03-08T20:49:00.005-05:00

. . . That most teens are abstinent. The CDC released a study recently that confirms that the majority of teens are not having sex.

The stats:

68% of boys and 67% of girls between the ages of 15 and 17 have never had sexual intercourse

These numbers are up from 2002, which said that 46% of boys and 49% of girls had never engaged in sexual activity.

You can read the full report here.

"Women We Love" Bares Lingerie, Not Souls

2011-03-08T20:26:00.004-05:00

"It distracts us from the truth and scatters our power. It's one big acid trip fantasy with no connection to improving our lives, being good fathers and husbands and advancing our careers." Tom Matlock at the Huffington Post posted an interesting article recently that caught my eye. . . "Esquire's Women Bare Lingerie, Not Souls." His response to Esquire's popular "The Women We Love" feature challenges men to consider the dangers of lust, masturbation, and porn and to ask, "What is it that we love about these women? Their twirling-banana-swing fantasies? Their factory-fresh "breasts"? Their naughty smiles? Are those things truly what men at their best love about women?"

Dove Campaign for Real Beauty

2011-03-06T15:31:00.001-05:00

'Satan should hold a party when we die'

2011-03-05T21:45:00.005-05:00

Well worth a look! A few days ago the UK's Catholic Herald ran this article about Matthew Fradd, a twenty-eight year old who battled a porn addiction and started the website www.theporneffect.com to help others who are fighting to overcome the same addiction.

“We want to be the kind of men that, when we’re dead, Satan throws a party. He says: ‘Thank God he has gone, he caused my kingdom too much damage.’ That’s the kind of man I want to be. And I think that’s the kind of man most men want to be.”

Katheryn Hudson a.k.a Katy Perry

2011-03-04T10:36:00.006-05:00

I love seeing where people came from, why people do what they do and act like they do. Everyone loves a good story right? Well here is a quick Bio about a girl named Katheryn and how she came to be known as the (in)famous Katy Perry.... buckle your seat belts cause its quite the tale.

Katheryn Hudson, originally from Santa Barbara moved to Nashville with her parents when they got a recording contract to put out a GOSPEL ALBUM! Katy Hudson put out her first album at 16 in 2001... it was a Christian Pop Album! It didn't go too well and in 2008 she ditched her Christian fan base and moved onto Capital Records changed her name to Katy Perry (she didn't want to be confused with the actress) put up a bunch of pin up photos and her big debut song "I kissed a girl"... she continues her fame and later puts out a new album with "California Gurls" and "Teenage Dream" etc...

Blah Blah Blah... My point is this, Fame and Spotlight can destroy a person. It can make them loose their morals and can turn you against yourself for the sake of vanity. Brothers and sisters, I fear too many of our neighbors are dying to be recognized, long to be on the spotlight... and they are willing to drop all morals and respect to do so (see image below, haha, partial joke, but not really).

This biography is just a friendly reminder, you can grow up Christian, you can even put out a Christian Album, but Satan will offer you anything you want if you are willing to submit to the world.I am in no way judging her, just using her as an example of how the Devil can use those on the right path and flip around their desires. Whether or not she goes to Church every Sunday or whatever, her music and appearance speaks for itself.

Information taken from:

http://www.people.com/people/katy_perry/biography

"Where Have all the Good (Wo)Men Gone?"

2011-02-23T17:20:00.003-05:00

Jennifer Fulwiler answers .....

Twitter, Facebook, iPhones, and Life

2011-02-15T21:47:00.010-05:00

I picked up the latest TIME magazine in the teacher's lounge today at school and sat down to stare at the incredibly unattractive cover which sported a schnazzy title: "2045: The Year Man Becomes Immortal." Yikes. I wenton to read the entire article, which focused on the "Singularity movement" or how eventually computers and humans would "become one." Sing - gu-lar-i-ty: n: The moment when technological change becomes so rapid and profound, it represents a rupture in the fabric of human history.

Hmmm.

I flipped a few more pages and turned to the "Life" section of TIME, which included an article titled "Wired for Distraction? Like it or not, social media are reprogramming our children's brains. . ."

And then, in "Money" there was one that introduced Starbucks' plan to allow customers to use a bar-code app on their phones to buy coffee in 6,800 of its stores.

Now, you might be asking what all of these articles have to do with each other, and you're probably scratching your head wondering even more so what this has to do with chastity for gosh sakes, but hang tight here.

Slowly, over the past year or so, I've been becoming more and more aware of the way that technology seems to be affecting my life, the lives of the people I hang out with, my relationships, my students, my job, and my life in general. And it's caused me to stop and wonder if the change has been a completely positive one.

Pope Benedict recently came out with a message regarding the use of social media, saying that the time had come to "urgently demand a serious examination of the significance of communication in the digital age." What was widely noted was the fact that the Pope encouraged the use of social media as an evangelization tool. On the flip side, however, I've found myself reflecting on the world of craziness that is twitter, facebook, Androids and iphones, and wondering to what extent these modes of communication have done good, and to what extent they've done some harm.

The "Wired for Distraction?" article that I mentioned earlier pointed out that researchers have found that on average a child spends 7 hours and 38 min. a day using entertainment media, and - if you add in texting - they are logging almost 11 total of hours of media usage a day. That's a lot - a lot - of media.

The author, Dalton Conley, says that children today spend so much time with the media that "The result could be that we pay more attention to environmental stimuli - Hey, another text! - at the expense of focus." He goes to say that he, for one, is concerned with the effect that "24/7 connectivity" has on his 11 year-old son. "School-lunchroom behavior - gossipy whispers, competition for attention, etc. - now goes on around the clock. There's no downtime, no alone for him to develop his sense of self." The article ends with "Hence my 9:30 rule, which falls into that age-old parenting category: Do as I say, not as I do."

The "24/7 connectivity" doesn't just stop with children or teenagers, as Conley admits at the close of his article. If I were to take a look at my life, I think I would probably find myself in the "24/7" media world. But do I want it to be that way? I don't.

We live in a blackberry-driven, iphone-loving, and texting-obsessed era. And while these modes of communication certainly aren't bad, and in fact do much good (as the Pope pointed out), they can also begin to change our daily interactions and affect our relationships. This past weekend my roommate and I spent ten hours in the car driving to and from a conference together, and it was then I realized that it had been a really long time since I had had a long, uninterrupted conversation with a person without having to compete with that person's cell phone. At times it can seem that facebook, twitter, texting etc. create a "parallel world" that can overshadow the things, opportunities, and most importantly the people that have been placed into our lives at that moment. John Paul II points out, "The human being is single, unique, and unrepeatable, someone thought of and chosen from eternity, someone called and identified by name" and a gift that has been given to us as a "task" and a "responsibility." Simply put, each person deserves our respect and attention before the text that we've just received, the email that's just come in, or the latest post on facebook. A culture of life is one that truly places the human person and his value first in our lives, and our personal witness to this is vital in creating and nurturing authentic relationships in our day-to-day lives. Obviously I'm not advocating that we throw out our cell phones or cancel our texting plans, but just to challenge ourselves to perhaps take a closer look at the way that we use modern technology in the details of our everyday lives and to use them well for the service of others.

New Website for JP2's Beatification!

2011-02-08T17:18:00.005-05:00

There is now an official website for JP2's beatification....check it out: www.karol-wojtyla.org.

"Chastity is a difficult, long term matter; one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit, for the happiness of loving kindness which it must bring. But at the same time, chastity is the sure way to happiness."

- Pope John Paul II

"Deep within yourself, listen to your conscience which calls you to be pure . . . a home is not warmed by the fire of pleasure which burns quickly like a pile of withered grass. Passing encounters are only a caricature of love; they injure hearts and mock God's plan."

- Pope John Paul II

"[God] has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman."

- Pope John Paul II

"No Strings Attached" vs. Love and Responsibility

2011-01-19T21:34:00.004-05:00

This week I watched the trailer for "No Strings Attached," which hits theaters on January 21st. The tag line pretty much describes the whole movie: "Can best friends be sex friends?" From what I could see from the trailer, it seems to be a perfect example of the "casual sex" and "friends with benefits" attitude that is so prevalent in our culture right now.

"Do you want to use each other at all hours of the day and night?"

"I'm okay with that."

"Good."

How did sex divorce itself from love and become nothing more than just an "activity" that you do, and how has friendship become nothing more than two separate individuals in it simply for what they can get out of it?

A few years back, my senior year in college, I signed up for a one-credit, weekend-long class over Valentine's Day. The topic was "Love and Responsibility," a book by Karol Wojtyla, the future John Paul II. Since then, I don't think that anything else has impacted my life as much as the ideas that are contained in this book, nor I have I found a better way to fight back against the culture of "meaningless sex."

First is an understanding of friendship. A "friends with benefits" culture holds that friendship is nothing more than getting enjoyment for yourself from someone, whether that be sex, money, a date to hang out with on a Friday night, or just the feeling of knowing someone is there for you. The focus is on yourself. John Paul II, on the other hand, says that friendship occurs when two people "recognize a good and adopt it...when this happens, a special bond is established between me and this other person: the bond of a common good and a common aim," and from this "We begin to discern love, to catch a preliminary glimpse of it....love is unthinkable between two people without some common good to bind them together." (LR p. 28) Friendship is the beginning of love, a love that does not seek to use each other for enjoyment, but a love that looks outward to something that is true, good, and beautiful to discover together.

The second is the idea of what authentic love really is. And although I doubt I have even begun to honestly understand John Paul II's thoughts on this subject, the little that I do amazes me. The first thing that strikes me is that love, while it involves feelings or emotions, is primarily in the will. Love is a decision, a commitment, and a choice - a choice to love someone because of who they are and the value that they have as a human person. Sex is an expression and outflow of that commitment and decision. Ultimately, love results in a giving of oneself, a receiving of the other, and finding one's existence in another person. And because love is a decision and a choice,

"Love in human relationships is not something ready-made" (LR. p. 29) or, as Alice von Hildebrand also writes, "Although love is a gift, it must also be learned."

Ultimately, "friends with benefits" or "casual sex" bring no satisfaction. We were made from Love for real love and won't be fulfilled until we live it:

"Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it. " - Redemptor Hominis

"Gestational Carriers"?

2011-01-19T10:39:00.004-05:00

This week Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban announced the December 28th birth of Faith Margaret, born by a paid surrogate mother - the "gestational carrier." This is becoming a fairly popular option, particiarly for those who either can't have children, or perhaps simply don't want to go through a pregnancy themselves. This area can often be difficult to understand, so check out a few quick Catechism references to see the problem with "gestational carriers":

"Techniques that entail the dissociation of husband and wife, by the intrusion of a person other than the couple (donation of sperm or ovum, surrogate uterus), are gravely immoral. These techniques (heterologous artificial insemination and fertilization) infringe the child's right to be born of a father and mother known to him and bound to each other by marriage. They betray the spouses' "right to become a father and a mother only through each other." (CCC 2376)

"They dissociate the sexual act from the procreative act. The act which brings the child into existence is no longer an act by which two persons give themselves to one another, but one that "entrusts the life and identity of the embryo into the power of doctors and biologists and establishes the domination of technology over the origin and destiny of the human person. Such a relationship of domination is in itself contrary to the dignity and equality that must be common to parents and children." (CCC 2377)

"A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift. The "supreme gift of marriage" is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged "right to a child" would lead." (CCC 2378)

Physical Urges

2011-01-18T10:07:00.009-05:00

As humans, we have a lot of "urges", especially physically. We deny physical urges all the time, when we see that "Big Mac" poster and say "no!" or the skyline 3-way stacked with cheese so high and say "not today!", when you are taking a test and know the smart kid next to you has the answer and as much as you want to peek over, you don't. These little things you do every day are actually practicing the awesome virtue of SELF MASTERY! When someone says something to you or does something to you that makes you want to rip their head off, but you just smile and walk away... self mastery... when your parent asks you to set the dinner table when you are on an important phone call or about to beat "black-ops" and instead of yelling at your parent, you say "yes mom"... self mastery...

Self mastery is amazing, it not only makes you feel very proud of yourself afterwords, but it almost seems to defy physical nature itself. Let me explain, in the animal kingdom there is a chain of animals, and if a wolf walks in to a lion den, the wolf won't come out, or if a tuna swims through shark territory, it will become a sandwich (sorry to be so graphic!)

My point is that when we practice the virtue of self mastery we are amazed at ourselves because we are doing something that no other creature in the world can do, we are pushing aside our personal urges, our physical urges, for the greater glory of GOD! Brothers and sisters, we are using our God given ability to REASON! using our reason to better our friends, family and our self is part of the whole point of why God gave this gift to us!

So why am i bringing this up on a chastity blog instead of some philosophical "Socrates anonymous" site? because our body has physical and sexual desires and very often we argue in our brains that "i just cant control my urges", "well, if my body wants to do it, it can't be wrong" "It just seems like the right thing to do"... You know what, honking at the slow poke in front of me while i drive seems like the right thing to do (but practicing patience and self control is better)... Telling my baby to change her own diaper sounds good (but it teaches me to be loving, self sacrificing and to be a loving father)... When I am taking a math test and my brain feels like its turning to mush and i want to go take a jog around the classroom to refresh my mind, I don't do it! (...mostly cause i don't want to be made fun of and get sent to the principals office for... whatever it is!) <--- Joke, haha, laugh!
The point i want to make is simply this, that even though our body has urges that sometimes we question if we can even control, I want you to remember that God has given us the amazing ability to reason and practice self mastery and in practicing these great virtues daily and recognizing that you are doing it, will make you a stronger man/woman of God and be able to say "no" to the bigger urges, the anger explosions and more relevantly in the sexual situations.

God Bless you all and stay strong and remember that the difference between a Saint and a sinner is that the Saint got up one more time!

Santo Subito!

2011-01-14T10:58:00.006-05:00

John Paul II will be beatified on May 1st, the feast of Divine Mercy! Pope Benedict will celebrate the ceremony, which will take place in Rome and will most likely draw hundreds of thousands of people. The normal five-year waiting period was waived by the Pope and his beatification is the fastest on record, coming just over six years after his death.

I saw John Paul II for the first (and only) time when I was 15 years old at the 2002 World Youth Day in Canada, three years before he died. It was such a joy and privilege to see his interior strength and love, even though it was getting very difficult for him even to speak or hold his head up. It really made a deep impression on me, and he is a Pope that will forever be very close to my heart.

"It is the nature of human beings, and especially youth, to seek the Absolute, the meaning and fullness of life. Dear young people, do not be content with anything less than the highest ideals! Do not let yourselves be dispirited by those who are disillusioned with life and have grown deaf to the deepest and most authentic desires of their heart..." - Pope John Paul II

Respect Life Week in Yonkers, NY

2011-01-13T10:58:00.005-05:00

Awesome news! This is Respect Life Week for the city of Yonkers, NY. It's the fourth year that Mayor Amicone has set aside a week especially dedicated to building the culture of life in a state that desperately needs it. Archbishop Dolan was the keynote speaker for the opening Respect Life event, saying, “This state, and our local communities…unfortunately are less than receptive to our pro-life message...Your presence is downright inspirational."

In 2009, 41% of all viable pregnancies ended in abortion in NYC, 39% in Queens, and 38% in Manhatten. These numbers are almost twice the national average. Queens, NY is home to "Abortion Row," a 1.5 mile stretch in the city that has thirteen abortion clinics.

Please remember to pray for the state of New York this week!

Also, check out the amazing story of Claire Culwell, an abortion survivor. Her mother became pregnant at the age of thirteen, decided to abort, and went to a clinic for the abortion procedure...only to come home and discover a short month later that she had been pregnant with twins and that one of them was still alive. Claire was placed for adoption, and now, years later, tells her story of what a gift life truly is:

“Abortion doesn’t just affect one person. It’s a domino effect. And even though that happened it has turned into something so beautiful. . . Even though life looks like a given, because we all have it, it is a gift."

http://www.claireculwell.com/

Be a MAN!

2011-01-07T10:09:00.008-05:00

I think when i hear the phrase "be a man" I think if something different than what the guys around me hear. When I hear "be a man" a hear "stand up", "be strong", "defend", "protect", "SACRIFICE", I feel called out and called on to be a better brother of Christ. When i walk down the halls of high schools and hear guys at the mall saying "you're the man", it does not mean these things at all. When a guy compliments another guy on his "manli-ness" it means something totally different. Let me translate what i hear them saying because i remember what it meant when guys used to tell me. "you're the man" "you got with that girl? she's hot!", "You totally picked up that girl! nice job" "I wish i could of got that girl, im jealous, you're the man!"

I very seldom hear "you're the man" in good context, and it usually has to do with picking up a girl or "getting some" from a girl (a.k.a robbing your sister in Christ of her innocence) and not actually caring about them. Very rarely do you hear "you're the man" after dating the same girl for a year in a chaste relationship, or being married for 50 years, or telling guys to stop talking smack about that girl that has no dignity left. You just don't hear that phrase in the right context, almost EVER!

Why am i sharing this, you ask? Because i want to rebel, I am starting now, we are going to change that phrase. It is time for real men to be called out and called on again. I want to start pointing out guys that are being men and tell them "you're the man" when they are being chivalrous, when they are calling their brothers on to holiness. There are too many men out there that don't get the compliment they deserve because the phrase has become "watered down" and "used up" on the opposite.

If you want to join me, all you have to do is MAN UP, "BE A MAN" and tell the guys you admire and see being real men "DUDE, YOU'RE THE MAN". Tell your friend that tells you not to swear or use girls or go to the party or do drugs, tell your married 50 years and going strong grandpa, tell your dad that works and sacrifices day in and day out without complaint for his family, tell your teacher, youth minister, coach that you admire for their strength and sacrifice that "you're the MAN!" Make it the ultimate compliment that it is supposed to be!

What Makes Love "Real"?

2011-01-07T10:06:00.002-05:00

FYI, the Ruth Institute (a marriage and family organization) has announced its first annual "Reel Love Challenge" video contest. This contest is for young adults (either single or married) to make 30-second clips on "what sustains love over a lifetime." They have some video entries posted online, and you check them out on the Ruth Institute's website.

Here's one of the entries....fair warning: these might be cheesy :)

Pope John Paul II to be Beatified in 2011?

2011-01-06T15:43:00.003-05:00

".. It is Jesus in fact that you seek when you dream of happiness, he is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; he is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is he who provokes you with that thirst for fulness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is he who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal." - Pope John Paul II

No Easy Decision

2010-12-29T16:09:00.013-05:00

On December 28th 2010 at 11:30pm the season premiere of MTV's "No Easy Decision" aired.

I felt it started out well intentioned as the couple found out they were pregnant for a second time and worried about what to do and recognized the 3 possible options (Keep the child, adoption, or abortion) and said they wanted to do what was best for their baby. After the "procedure" there was an argument between the couple after the "father" called their recently deceased child "nothing but a bunch of cells" and the "mother" got extremely upset basically saying that is was a baby and "that bunch of cells could turn into this" (as she points at her 1 year old daughter). She seemed heart broken at her decision, but MTV always has to put their editing skills to work to make it look as though everything is fine the next day. They bring 2 other "mothers" onto the show as they all meet and discuss with a doctor about their "heroic" choice for their "family". It was extremely upsetting how these women justified their abortion, one woman even said "I am proud of it" and could not understand why abortion is not a more acceptable choice in our society. The show is very upsetting and I found it sad to watch a teenage couple go through the pain of abortion. If you choose to watch this show, be mindful that MTV has no problem editing their footage to put out any skewed view/agenda they want or have in mind.

On a more positive note, I found it very encouraging to know that most of the viewers that wrote on the MTV community site were very displeased with what they saw and some even spoke out about their own pain from abortion or family members. I have yet to read a comment saying "I am also proud of my abortion" which I am happy to report.

Here is the link to the Fir st Episode:

http://www.mtv.com/videos/no-easy-decision-special/1654990/playlist.jhtml

Below is a link to the MTV blog if you have any comments or want to read others opinions and thoughts:

http://community.mtv.com/Discussion-Thread/NO-EASY-DECISION-WRONG-WAY/0D3FCFFFF02098AEE00090129B3BC

I would like to conclude by stating that the view of "killing your child and justifying it as doing what is best for them" is false and should not be recognized as a reason for abortion. The only time that it is not a sin for your baby to die before birth that is recognized by the Catholic Church is: due to miscarriage, during birth, or the life of the mother is at risk. Adoption is always an option and their are millions of people on lists that want a child that cannot physically get pregnant.

Taken from the Catechism of the Catholic Church

2270 Human life must be respected and protected absolutely from the moment of conception. From the first moment of his existence, a human being must be recognized as having the rights of a person - among which is the inviolable right of every innocent being to life.⁷²

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you."⁷³

Please continue to pray for all women that have had abortions and are considering it. Jesus guide them in Your Truth.

Picture of the Day

2010-12-22T10:20:00.006-05:00

Check out Cincinnati Right to Life's 2010 Christmas billboard. Genius. Channel 5 reported that it's causing "quite a stir...." Makes me :) "The simple shepherds heard the voice of an angel and found their lamb; the wise men saw the light of a star and found their wisdom." - Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Merry Christmas!

Being Attractive Does Not Mean a Perfect Marriage

2010-12-16T12:27:00.012-05:00

A popular hypothetical question people often pose is, "If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?" The first answers tend to be along the lines of: "my weight, my muscles, my hair, my nose, my legs, my arms, my height..." I don't know if I've ever heard someone answer: "my sense of humor, my intelligence, be more caring, my ability to love, my ability to cook..." No, those are not the typical answers to this question. And why is that? I believe it's because we are bombarded by ads, movies, books, magazines and songs that make all kinds of proclamations: "I want that body, you should look like this, you should dress like this, your face should look like this, this is how to be happy, this is how you find your soul-mate."

What if I told you that your physical attractiveness is not what really matters in order for your marriage to succeed? Would you think I am crazy?

Every year, People Magazine decides who is the "Sexiest Man Alive" and GQ Magazine decides who is the "Babe of the Year." Well, who would ever break up with "the sexiest man alive" or the "babe of the year"? I am sad to say that they would break up with each other.
What has been looked at as "Hollywood's hottest couple," Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, have decided to break off their marriage after 2 years. We look on as bystanders, fed with the image of the "perfect couple" and think "Why? This was the perfect marriage; they are both so attractive."

As Catholics we must recognize reality, and get out of the Hollywood mentality of "perfection is being rich and beautiful." We have to realize that looking "perfect" on the outside will not automatically lead to a perfect life, a perfect marriage, happiness and love. Physical appearances come and go. Your dedication to your spouse, rooted in the graces of a sacramental marriage, is the superglue that binds a couple together for life.

We must focus on growing and nourishing the personal gifts that we have been given by God and the Holy Spirit. I am not saying we should not keep our bodies healthy; it is important to exercise and take care of our physical body. We should not, however, lust and envy over those that the media tells us are "perfect, attractive, sexy." There is only one person we should long to be like... Jesus Christ. He has sent us His Holy Spirit to be with us always. So let us continue this Advent and into the New Year, to nourish the beauty and talent that we have been given.

Our Lady of Guadalupe

2010-12-12T20:48:00.004-05:00

December 12th, Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe

"Am I not here who am your

mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection?

Am I not your fountain of life? Are you not in the folds of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Is there anything else you need?" - Our Lady to St. Juan Diego

I love being Catholic. No where else can you get the Eucharist, Christ, and no where else can you get the fullness of the beauty of Our Lady. Our Lady of Guadalupe is one of my special favorites particularly because she reminds me to be open to God. Openness to God. As you can see, if you look closely, this is the only picture of Mary while she is pregnant; she's bringing Him to you. Openness and receptivity.

P.S. AND patroness of the Americas and the pro-life movement. Another great reason to love her.

The Butterfly Circus. . . Well Worth the Watch.

2010-12-11T19:51:00.005-05:00

There is nothing better on a wintery-ish December evening than curling up on the couch, sweatpants on, blanket in tow, pillow ready, and a cup of hot chocolate in hand, and a movie to watch . . .

Annnnnd this is what you should watch: The Butterfly Circus. I just spent the last 20 minutes sitting in Starbucks curled up on a chair watching this movie. And was wowed. . . there are very few movies that are beautiful. And very few that are well made and challenging to those who watch them. And that are short. This is why you should watch this movie. . .

1. This movie has a bea-u-tiful and captivating plot. It takes place in the Great Depression and is the story of a showman (Eduardo) who travels across the devastated American landscape, lifting the hearts of the audience as he travels. He ends up meeting a man without limbs and brings a new dimension into his life. In short, this movie is about hope, something that we desperately need. It's also about the unique dignity that each human being possesses simply because of who we are as a son or daughter of a King. Another truth we need to hear more often in our lives.

2. Eduardo Verastegui. He is definitely an incredible actor. You might have seen him in Bella a few years back and probably fell head over heels in love with him to boot. I admire Eduardo for many reasons, especially for his humility and charity, something that you don't exactly find in Hollywood every day of the week. A former Mexican soap star, he had a radical conversion and has since dedicated his life to bringing the dignity of the human person into film. I met him a few years back while in college, and was really moved by how genuine he was.

3. It's short. 20 minutes, to be exact. No excuses. You can watch the WHOLE THING on Youtube.

4.Joshua Weigel and his wife Rebekah wrote, directed, and produced this entire movie. Together. They've been married for 14 years, and I think that they are a fabulous testimony to what it means to work in marriage as a team to bring something true, good, and beautiful to others.

“The future of humanity lies in the hands of those who are strong enough to provide coming generations with reasons for living and hoping.” (Guadium et Spes 31)

www.thebutterflycircus.com

Check it out!

2010-12-10T17:35:00.004-05:00

I hope you all are having an amazing Advent! I love this time of the year - pure joy :)

So, Fr. Kyle Schnippel, the Vocations Director for the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, has an awesome new website : http://www.cincinnativocations.org/. It's been revamped and looks amazing!
Check it out if you're curious just to see what goes on in the life of a priest, if you're thinking about a religious vocation, or if you just want to get to know Fr. Kyle - hands down one of my favorite priests!

This website has a blog, and answers questions like "What does a religious brother do for fun?" You can also learn more about the priests that serve our diocese with features such as "The Man Behind the Collar." Here's a video that appeared on the website recently:

One of my favorite documents from the 2nd Vatican Council, which JP2 was involved in, says that "Man cannot find himself without making a sincere gift of himself" (GS 24:3), meaning that it is in pouring our lives out to others that we are fulfilled. . . think about that. We're pretty much encouraged everywhere we go that we should "get" more in life - more clothing, new cars, bigger houses, better sex lives etc. and that it is through these things that we will be more fulfilled and more happy. But is that really true? It's rarely mentioned that real happiness and fulfillment aren't found in getting more, or focusing on ourselves; it's in giving more of ourselves to those around us and seeking Truth. "Finding ourselves" doesn't come from focusing on ourselves. That's why some priests and religious sisters are some of the happiest and most fulfilled people that I've ever met - they know how to give.

"This is the meaning of true love - to give until it hurts." - Mother Teresa

Going Deeper

2010-11-10T15:21:00.006-05:00

For those of you who heard Jason speak last week at McNick, Elder, Seton, St. Ursula, Ursuline and the Underground then you know that it was an incredible couple of days! He gave some awesome talks and got a chance to hang out with a lot of the students at the schools and events.

A couple of students indicated an interest in hearing other chastity speakers speak sometime, getting purity rings, and where you could find some of Jason's stuff online.

So...

This is Jason's website - chastity.com He's got some great stuff on here - Q & A about birth control, pornography, sleeping in the same bed, living together before marriage etc.

Or, Purity rings or Miraculous Medals can be found at this online store. Hands down my favorite piece of jewelry that I own.

Are Unborn Children Really Persons?

2010-10-28T15:35:00.002-04:00

Check out this fantastic youtube video from thirteen year-old Lia Mills, a young Canadian media sensation who has spoken out against abortion - even at such a young age. This girl's videos have been seen by hundreds of thousands of viewers worldwide, and she has even spoken on Parliament Hill in Ottawa, Canada. Yesterday she came out with a new video about proving that the unborn really are human beings, and not just some "tissues" or "cells." I can't believe the poise, courage and power of this young girl - amazing!

Lia is a spokesperson for Teen Defenders, which can be found online here.

Jason Evert

2010-10-27T15:27:00.002-04:00

Jason Evert is coming to Cincinnati!

If you are a student at McNicholas High School, Purcell Marian, St. Ursula Academy, or Ursuline Academy then you are going to hear him speak. Get pumped. He is incredible! He speaks to over 100,000 high school students each year and is the author of “If You at Really Loved Me: 100 Questions on Dating, Relationships, and Sexual Purity,” as well as “Pure Love.” He will be here at the high schools from November 3 – 5, and will also do a special presentation at the Underground in Cincinnati (1140 Smiley Ave) from 7 – 9 p.m on Thursday, November 4th. This FREE event is sponsored by Ruah Woods Theology of the Body for Teens Program. You can check out Jason’s website, http://www.chastity.com/, or check out a clip of one of his talks:

Planned Parenthood

2010-10-26T16:10:00.003-04:00

How much do you know about Planned Parenthood? Abby Johnson, a former director of Planned Parenthood in Houston, Texas, reveals some shocking info about this well-known "health" organization that in reality is the largest abortion provider in the United States. Rocky and I had the awesome opportunity to hear her speak at a pro-life dinner last week and she is incredible! Check out her story here:

"My Drug & His Poison: My Boyfriend was Hooked on Porn"

2010-08-31T13:22:00.004-04:00

“Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it.”
~ Thomas Jefferson

Do you remember the first time you realized that you loved your husband or boyfriend? Do you find yourself often visiting that special moment in your mind? Perhaps reminiscing about the better times. Sometimes those memories are the only things we have to remind us of how we knew them to be…before porn.

Because of their addiction, we want to hold on to those memories for dear life. Those memories of the good times, when you first met them, or when you knew you first loved them, you cherish…especially now. When you see a transformation in your husband or boyfriend, to the point that you don’t even recognize him anymore due to their addiction, there is such a sense of loss that sometimes can take years to overcome and truly grieve through.
How Porn Makes a Woman Feel
The thought of losing someone to a porn addiction is crippling and feels like the most severe emotional pain that could exist, especially if it results in the complete loss of the relationship. We know the detrimental effects of porn because of its chemical nature and effect on the brain and on one’s actions, demeanor, and behavior and because you’ve probably felt it in the way that your husband or boyfriend treats you even without knowing the scientific evidence of its impact.

Because of their personal guilt and shame they feel due to their addiction, you’ve probably experienced them attempting to shift any blame onto you, while getting frequently angry. Have you noticed that they withdraw from family activities or in spending time with you, or retreat from church, and social activities – things they once were involved in?

You and I, the wives and girlfriends, know without a doubt that it changes our loved ones as we experience the pain of porn firsthand. In fact, husbands report loving their wives less after long periods of looking at women depicted in porn. Wives and girlfriends develop deep, deep wounds and they begin to feel inadequate. They don’t just feel discomfort, but the distress level can be so high that it can lead to clinical treatment for trauma, eating disorders, and severe depression. It’s not just “temporarily feeling sad” about a husband/boyfriend’s addiction—it’s a blow to the core of who that woman is, that could lead to years of depression and much more.

Many women might even say that it’s worse than actual infidelity, because there isn’t one “real” person that they are having an affair with, it’s many intangible women and they don’t know what they are up against. Many times, porn addicts do not comprehend the downward spiral that they are causing their wives or girlfriends to enter into by their actions.

When It’s Not The Fairytale
I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved my boyfriend, who I met through a mutual friend. I fervently prayed for almost five years, every single day. I prayed that if it was God’s will, that a relationship would come into being. And after five years it happened. God answered that prayer. I thought: finally, this must be God’s plan coming together because it seemed so perfect.

My life already revolved around him. He was my everything. We talked about getting married. That relationship was what I looked forward to during much chaos and major decisions that were taking place at that time. He was my joy and being able to love him is what made each day for me.

My boyfriend became like my own personal drug and there wasn’t a day that went by in that relationship that I didn’t thank God that we were together and thank Him for answering prayer. When we make someone so important and critical to our lives, though, we raise them to the status of idol, and God warns us of this.

How Porn Killed Our Love
The really sad thing about porn is that it takes genuine love and it kills it. The addict doesn’t have to be in an intimate relationship, because they get “filled” by porn due to the dopamine highs they get from watching it. It removes any closeness and intimacy in a relationship, and replaces it with lust and distance, ultimately changing the addict due to the chemical nature.

I was so naïve. I had no idea the power that porn possessed, until finally, one day it killed my relationship forever. I had no idea I was up against the Devil’s chosen baby: pornography, and how serious it really was. My boyfriend distanced himself from the relationship, from me; instead of visiting, he preferred to stay at home and watch porn and would come up with excuses as to why. He blamed porn pop-ups on others who used the computer, and pushed me out of his life ultimately, until I finally heard the words, “I don’t love you anymore.”

Girls Against Porn

He gave me the vision of starting Girls Against Porn (GAP) to help other women who were going through the same thing I did. Girls Against Porn have joined initiatives with other partnering organizations and friends. Because of these initiatives, most of the airlines are filtering their Internet services, a porn club was halted from being developed on a college campus, we came close to preventing a former Playboy lawyer from receiving a DOJ appointment, and with over 11,000 e-mails and calls from the public, we’ve send a strong message to Apple to restrict pornography related apps. It has been a challenge, but such a rewarding one.

http://www.covenanteyes.com/
- – - -
This post is by Tiffany Leeper. Tiffany is the Founder of Girls Against Porn, an action coalition for women and those against pornography.

A Champion of Love

2010-08-26T10:48:00.008-04:00

I love Mother Teresa.

Today is (what would have been....) her 100th birthday. Her life continually reminds me to fight against simple mediocrity, to strive for the best, to strive for purity - not just physically, but purity of heart, purity of intention, and the fact that loving Christ with an undivided heart is always first in our lives when trying to accomplish this.

This is beautiful....

Anyway

People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

- Mother Teresa

And who knows if she was an influence for this....

The "Love Test"

2010-07-20T11:56:00.002-04:00

If you were to walk up to a random person and ask them what the opposite of love is, the answer would most likely be hate...

However, John Paul II has a different answer. He says that the opposite of loving someone isn't hating them - it's using them. We're human, and we have a choice: are we going to love someone for who they are as a person, or are we going to use them (physically, emotionally etc.) for ourselves? Do we see people as a means for our own end? What do you consider to be "using someone"?

For Girls
Have you done sexual acts or compromised your dignity to make a guy more interested in you?

Do you sometimes dress immodestly to get attention?

Do you feel you need a “cute boyfriend” to validate your worth?

Do you or would you cheat?

Do you settle for being “friends with benefits”?

Do you fall back into the same sexual mistakes, relationship after relationship?

Do you justify sexual acts because you feel you’re “in love”?

Do you tolerate your boyfriend looking at pornography?

Do you stay in unhealthy relationships for fear of being alone?

Do you dance in a way that invites guys to lust after you?

For Guys
When you see an attractive girl, do you automatically imagine doing sexual acts with her?

When it comes to your speech, are you respectful around girls you want to impress, but you sound like Quagmire when you’re with the guys?

Do you or would you cheat?

Do you get mad at a girl if she doesn’t want to be physical in any way?

Do you gently push your girlfriend to go further than she wants during times when the two of you are physically intimate?

Do you look at pornography?

Do you tell your girlfriend that you love her, hoping that she’ll want to be sexually active with you?

A Thought for the Day....

2010-07-09T10:51:00.005-04:00

I happen to be lucky enough to live with an amazingly beautiful, smart, holy, and generous woman - who also happens to have a master's degree in theology, and therefore has quite a large assortment of amazing books....some of which I might currently be in the process of "borrowing."

This one blows me away.

“The soul of woman must therefore be expansive and open to all human beings. It must be quiet so that no small weak flame will be extinguished by stormy winds; warm so as not to benumb fragile buds; clear, so that no vermin will settle in dark corners and recesses; self contained, so that no invitations from without can imperil the inner life; empty of itself, in order that extraneous life may have room in it; finally, mistress of itself and also of its body, so that the entire person is readily at the disposal of every call..." - Edith Stein

Watch what airport you go to

2010-07-06T15:33:00.006-04:00

I went on christianitytoday.com and found an article that shocked me. Unless you work at the airport you probably don't know what those security people that make you take your shoes off are looking at. Would you believe me if i told you that it is pretty intense.

"The Times (UK) reports that full-body scans give security staff detailed images of passengers’ nude bodies, which human rights groups decry as a “virtual strip search.” According to the Associated Press, the images are viewed in a private room and conceal passengers’ faces to protect identity."

This is disgusting and offensive. To go onto an airplane, you have to not only embarass yourself by having people smelling your socks, take everything out of your pockets and expose everything in your bag, but now they can look at you naked! I think this is a HUGE violation of privacy and of our human dignity.

Pope Benedict met with the airline staff February 20th and said "All these assurances may not be enough to protect passengers’ dignity"“It is essential never to lose sight of respect for the primacy of the person,” he said. While he acknowledged that given “the economic crisis, which is bringing about problematic effects in the civil aviation sector, and the threat of international terrorism, which is targeting airports and aircraft,” the Pope urged that “the primary asset to be safeguarded and treasured is the person, in his or her integrity.”

To bad our country seems to not have Catholic or Christian morals anymore. This is disgusting. I think we should begin praying for all the airport security staff and their families soon because they have no idea that their job may soon be getting paid to view pornography. That is a shame and I pray that these security scanners dont make it out of the Boston Airport (BLIA)!

Here is the full article below:
http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2010/03/citing_modesty_two_women_refus.html

Who says it has to be itsy-bitsy?

2010-07-01T10:12:00.005-04:00

If you haven't heard of Jessica Rey, she is an actress, chastity advocate and now entrapaneur to a modesty clothing and swimsuit line.( http://www.jessicarey.com/ )

Jessica booked her first television role as Alyssa, the white ranger on Disney's Power Ranger's Wild Force as well as "the young and the restless" and "General Hospital". She currently speaks to young people about chastity, modesty and her testimony. It is good to know that other people out there are making an effort to support this virtue. If you can, check out her clothing line and support her and her clothing ministry.

listen to jessica's story here http://www.thegorettigroup.org/jessica.htm

"I pray you enough"

2010-06-16T14:15:00.003-04:00

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, 'I love you, and I pray you enough.

'The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I pray you enough, too, Mom.

'They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'

'Well...I'm not as young as I once was, she lives so far away & has her own busy life. I have some challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I pray you enough.' May I ask what that means?

'She began to smile. 'That's a prayer that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I pray you enough,' we wanted the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.'

Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I pray you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I pray you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I pray you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

Then, she began to cry, and walked away.

They say, it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

Brothers and Sisters, I pray you enough... and I pray for you

Movie Review (Letters to Juliet)

2010-06-16T10:27:00.010-04:00

I love movies, especially a good ones! Movies that make me think, laugh, appreciate life, movies that dont try to scandalize or hinder my faith through repetitive bashing or blasphemy(either outright or in a more undertone way). I am married and because of this I can not watch action movies every day, I now have a significant other that needs to agree on what movies we watch together. Because of this we have found ourselves in the genre of "Romantic Dramas and Comedies"!

The movie I want to review is "Letters to Juliet". It is about an engaged girl (Sophie) who goes to Italy with her Italian fiancee on a "pre-honeymoon" but he is so involved with work that they spend no time together. She goes touring by herself and goes to the "Wall of Juliet" where tradition has that if you write a letter to Juliet, she will answer you with an letter back. Sophie finds these "secret women" and wants to help write back. She discovers a letter from 50 years past and answers it to find that the older woman comes looking for her "Romeo" once again. And yes, she has a grandson the same age as Sophie!

This movie is rated PG and is not a kids movie, how often does that happen these days! There is no fowl language, The clothing attire is very modest and is a beautiful love story between both a young couple and an older couple. It touches on the concept of true love as well as what marriage is and is not. The concept that was new and strange was a "pre-honeymoon", but i am glad they portrayed it as being so boring and did not recommend it. The whole idea of a pre-honeymoon is very against what a real marriage is and be sure to let whoever watches it know that it is immoral. I think part of the reason they put it in the movie was to show that the fiancee cared more about his buisness than their marriage.

I think women would enjoy this movie very much. And unless you are Scott Stephens, msot men would not enjoy this movie due to the fact that it is one of the most "girly chick flicks" I have ever seen! Lets put it this way, it makes "The Notebook" look like "Braveheart"! But to the women, if you are young or old and looking for a wholesome and satisfying love story, "Letters to Juliet" is the movie for you.

I give it a thumbs up!

Letters to Juliet Trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AmB8spntgg

Hello

2010-06-15T12:34:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone, I am Rocky Rhoades. thank you for your welcoming into the wonderful Cincinnati community!

New Chastity Educator!

2010-06-08T16:51:00.004-04:00

We have a new Chastity Educator at the pregnancy center! We're really excited to welcome Rocky Rhoades to our staff :)

Rocky is an internationally known chastity speaker with the Goretti Group and has appeared in shows such as EWTN's "The Pure Life."

.....Happy Birthday?

2010-05-26T16:24:00.008-04:00

Yesterday, a young girl walked into the pregnancy center for a pregnancy test. I heard her talking with one of our client advocates as she walked through the hallway, and I stopped to listen when I heard her ask whether or not birth control was available through the pregnancy center.

This young girl told us that she had been using birth control for about a year now, but really wanted to stop using it. She told us that she "didn't like it." That answer can be pretty common for a lot of women who are using some form of birth control, and it's a pretty understandable answer. Birth control injects hormones into a woman's body, throwing her entire body off balance. This year marks the 50th Anniversary of what is famously known as simply "the pill," the most popular form of contraceptive here in the U.S.

No, we don't give out birth control here at the pregnancy center, and I'm very grateful for the fact that we don't. I think it's time that women start seriously looking at what birth control does to our bodies. These days, it's incredibly common for "the pill" to be prescribed for pretty much any reason - acne, heavy periods, pain etc. But what most people don't realize is that these pills can seriously harm us (both physically and psycologically), lower our chances of becoming pregnant in the future, increase the risk of getting breast cancer, cause us to gain weight, could possibly cause an abortion for baby already conceived, throws our hormones and our bodies off balance, gives us nausea, decreases our libido, harms the environment, and puts a barrier between us and our husbands.

So why would we do this? CNN put out an article this past week about how the birth control pill has revolutionized our culture and completely changed the way that we view sex. Birth Control is oftentimes seen a "liberating" thing for women - a powerful way for them to gain control over their bodies, to decide for themselves on how to use their sexuality, and a way to enjoy sex with "no strings attached."

But what's wrong with this? For one thing, there is no such thing as "sex with no strings attached." Our sexuality is the core of who we are as women, and the way that we use that gift goes deep inside of us. By using birth control, we're working against our own natural cycle, which is always going to touch us in a deep way. As Theology of the Body explains, our bodies express our persons - what we do with our bodies matters.

Second of all, birth control takes out the responsibility that comes with sex. We're human beings, not animals. We have the capability of saying no, of making decisions - we have freedom, and, as Spiderman famously said: "With freedom comes great responsibility." John Paul II said it even better: "the greater feeling of responsibility, the more true love there is."

The primary purpose of sex is procreation; no matter how much we try to justify the use of contraception, we can't - because Christ is always in control of new life, not us. Everytime we use contraception, we're kicking Christ and His creative power out of the fundamental act that He designed for new life.

And last, but not least, it really does harm us as women. As I once heard, "birth control is the only drug you give to a healthy woman that makes her sick." Think about that - birth control harms women. It isn't good for our bodies - this should tell us something.

So, happy birthday to "the pill"? I think not.

Theology of the Body for Teens

2010-05-20T09:45:00.001-04:00

Interested in learning more about chastity, love, dating and John Paul II? (and free Chipotle?)Come hang out with us at the Pregnancy Center this summer!

Who: All incoming high school freshmen through incoming college freshmen.

When: We are offering two seperate five-week classes on Mondays and Wednesdays from July 7 - August 9. The afternoon class meets twice a week from 1 - 3 p.m. and the evening class meets twice a week from 6 - 8 p.m.

Where: Pregnancy Center East (3944 Edwards Rd. Cincinnati, OH)

Space is limited, and registration is on a first-come, first-served basis. You can contact me via email at aliciapce@fuse.net or call my direct ext. (513) 321 - 8584.

~ the class is completely FREE! ~

Catholic Actor Refuses Racy Sex Scenes

2010-04-07T10:46:00.008-04:00

I'm always inspired by people who stick to their principles and radically live out their faith. I read this story this week about Neal McDonough, an actor who was recently kicked off T.V. show "Scoundrels" by ABC for refusing to do explicit sex scenes with actress Virginia Madsen.

McDonough is a Catholic married man with three kids, and because the role was paying McDonough around $1 million dollars, it really causes us to ask - is it worth it? Some people argue that it's not a big deal because it's not like he's "actually" having sex with her or cheating on his wife because he's an actor - this is what he does. So is it a big deal?

I think it is. For one thing, no matter if it's just acting or not, when you're doing a sex scene with someone you're physically close to them in a way that reveals your whole person. Any kind of sexual activity is a gift for your spouse. Our sexuality is who we are; it's our person. When you have sex with someone you're giving yourself away - no matter if it's acting or not. I admire this guy because he obviously loves his wife deeply enough to respect her as the one and only person who receives the gift of himself.
Bella actor Eduardo Verastegui has faced the same issue. And I think he has an awesome response:

"When you kill somebody in the movies, you’re not killing anyone. But when you kiss someone, it’s really a kiss,” Eduardo stressed. “In sex scenes, you’re really half naked. So I would recommend that people be careful, because you are working with fire and you’re gonna get burned. Don’t risk yourself for some role. I know because I did it. And I’m telling you, 12 years of that was nothing but emptiness, pain and suffering.” Eduardo described sex scenes as what they are: “legal adultery.”

Quote of the Week

2010-03-19T14:09:00.002-04:00

"Have patience with all of the world, but first of all with yourself." - St. Francis de Sales

Eduardo Verastegui:"Yes to Christ, yes to purity, yes to chastity, and yes to God."

2010-03-18T15:00:00.005-04:00

If you are a Bella fan then this is for you! Eduardo Verastegui, an actor in Bella, spoke this week at the first Congress for Catholic Youth in Guatemala. The event drew about 7,000 young Catholic youth, who promised “to work for the virtue of purity” and to "lead a chaste life.” The goal of the conference was to "motivate the youth to say yes to Christ, yes to purity, yes to chastity, and yes to God." At the congress, Eduardo himself led the youth in kneeling before the Eucharist and praying the chastity promise prayer. (Catholic News Agency)

Eduardo used to be a Mexican soap star, and he eventually gave it all to Christ and has done amazing work to promote life and chastity. I love his conversion story! You can read more about it here.

It's always so encouraging to see others, especially teenagers and young adults, commiting to living a pure life - definitely not an easy task in our culture today. Those are who aren't having sex aren't just surviving...they are living incredibly fulfilling lives. Purity IS possible!

Quote of the Week

2010-03-01T16:09:00.001-05:00

"The way to perfect joy is incredibly simple. It is simply to die - to die to self-will and self-regard - to say to God, "Thy will be done," and mean it. To put God first, to consecrate everything - everything - to him." - Dr. Peter Kreeft

"Are we too childish to date or get married?"

2010-02-26T10:11:00.005-05:00

Last night I came across an article called "Are we too childish to date or get married?" by Anthony Buono, who blogs at 6 Stone Jars. This article caught my interest because when the In Control program goes into high schools inevitably somone asks, "is okay to date in high school?" And every single time it's difficult to answer concretely because every person is ready at a different time in their lives. Personally, I didn't "feel" ready to date until I was 21 - I was honestly not mature enough or close enough to Christ to be able to even think about getting married, and then to start dating.

Anyway, this article is great because it points out that dating and marriage require serious thought because it takes a lot of responsibility - and virtue. He takes us through St. Paul's famous "Love is patient, Love is kind..." and really shows us, concretely, what that means and how we need these virtues in order to be "ready" to date and get married.

For example, "Love is a very Godly thing. And the love we seek to have for ourselves is really something only God can give. Unless we embrace that with maturity, we are not going to have success in our relationships with others, and certainly not in marriage...(Paul) is indicating here that love is a sign of maturity; of being a man or woman (an adult). Children are self-absorbed! To be childish is to be selfish, which is a definition of immaturity. To be only concerned with self. Look at what he points out about what love is not: jealous, pompous, inflated, rude, seeking own interests, rejoicing over wrongdoing. These are childish things!

Men and women who want to be married or who are married need to take inventory of themselves regarding their childish habits, and work to rid themselves of them by God’s grace...(we) can lack the capability of unconditional love, that which wills the good of the other. That’s what love is. That is the love that solidifies and dignifies marriage. It is only possible if we love God and truly seek change through a life of grace. And it takes practice. MUCH practice! May we all take St. Paul’s advice and get to work putting aside our childish ways, and taking mature steps toward being an adult, which means being a responsible person who loves and seeks to serve. If you want the privilege of being a married person, practice love that is not self-seeking, but that is selfless and desires the happiness of the other. That will be your own happiness."

Basically, Anthony is pointing out that it takes maturity to love - so I would encourage you to take the time to learn how to love, how to be selfless. And this can start in your own family! I remember someone once telling me that if I really wanted to prepare for the person I would marry someday, then I should begin to look at how I treated my dad and my brothers...because that's the way that I would learn to properly love. Hmmm. Something to think about.

Have a great Lent! :)

40 Days for Life

2010-02-25T22:01:00.006-05:00

Tonight I had the opportunity to speak with Mary Clark, the coordinator for the 40 Days for Life Campaign here in the Cincinnati area. She really inspired me to get out of my comfort zone and DO something this Lent! The 40 Days Campaign is hoping to fill 40 entire days with constant, around the clock prayer time at Planned Parenthood (Auburn Ave) in Cincinnati, and they still have a great need for people to give an hour out of their day, or week, to pray outside out of the abortion clinic and offer help to the women who walk in. You can sign up here.

I also watched this video - live from New York City on the street that is known as "abortion row," the longest strip of abortion clinics in the country.

"Remember: Christ is calling you, the Church needs you, and the Pope believes in you and expects great things from you!" - Pope John Paul II

Quote of the Week

2010-02-23T16:16:00.001-05:00

“Only the nakedness that makes woman an object for man, or vice versa, is a source of shame. The fact that they were not ashamed means that the woman was not an “object” for the man, nor he for her.”
– John Paul II

Question Box Friday: Sex when dating/engaged

2010-02-19T10:18:00.000-05:00

Can you have sex when you’re engaged or really in love with a person?

No, having sex before you are married is not okay. Sex is very intimate, can blind you to the problems in the relationship, and communicates more than we often think. Our bodies have a language that we speak, for example a ‘thumbs up’ can communicate good job. We can communicate many things without using words such as saying good job or nice to meet you. Having sex is also a language of our bodies. We are giving ourselves totally and completely to our spouse. The language that we are expressing is that of our wedding vows.

Having sex before we are married is like lying with our bodies. The act of sex is communicating a couple’s wedding vows. If they haven’t made the commitment to each other through marriage, then their bodies are saying something they are not able to say yet. The wedding vows in marriage make the union of sex genuine, because your bodies are renewing the promises from your wedding day.

Pornography: What's the Harm?

2010-02-18T15:48:00.003-05:00

A new website has just been launched that demonstrates the harm that porn does to families, men, women, children etc. They have some great articles and research info online. You can access it here.

Sacrifice

2010-02-18T15:23:00.001-05:00

Often times during the Lenten season, people are more aware of making sacrifices. The truth is that we make sacrifices in life all the time, without even being aware of it. For example, if I want to be good at basketball, I need to sacrifice my time and practice. If I don’t show up to practice, I won’t get better or get to play in the game.

Everything that is worth doing requires sacrifice. The part when we are giving something up can be difficult, but the reward is worth it. It’s not very much fun to study, but getting that A+ feels really good. Practicing chastity is the same in the sense of sacrifice. We may feel like we are giving up a lot, but the benefits, of saving yourself for your spouse, are well worth the sacrifice.

"Making a Difficult Choice"

2010-02-16T10:45:00.004-05:00

I came across this beautiful story yesterday, and I absolutely love it. It's a story about a woman who was diagnosed with cancer in 2005, and what that cancer did to her marriage. It really shows what love is - and how love = sacrifice. She has some great insights about birth control vs. NFP/abstinence, too. You can read the entire story here.

"In April 2005, I was diagnosed with cancer.

It was just two weeks after the birth of my ninth baby, and days after my youngest brother’s death in a car accident. I stopped breastfeeding immediately as I needed many tests including an MRI and CT scan, the latter of which required the ingestion of radioactive material. What’s more, chemotherapy was next to come. A mother simply couldn’t nurse with those toxins rushing through her body... But the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back of my emotions came when my husband and I were sitting in the oncologist’s office, after a tests had been completed, while my mind was spinning with the diagnosis, treatment plan and clinical trial options. The oncologist ended his discussion of my future by saying, “Now before we start, we need to get you on birth control because you absolutely must not get pregnant.”

Suddenly this became clear. At one of the weakest points of my physical and emotional life I was going to be morally challenged too. Herein lay David’s and my “difficult choice”: Would we choose to be fully Catholic and reject artificial birth control, or choose to make an exception for ourselves?

Perhaps you think that a two week post- partum, exhausted and sick woman does not have sex as a priority on her mind. You are right. But if you were diagnosed with a life-threatening disease and you thought that you might die, you would likely begin to yearn for the love, reassurance and intimacy that the marital act provides. The thought of the possibility of never having that again was terrifying to me.

Sometimes my mind would wander. What if I died? What if my husband remarried? What if his new wife were better, prettier, holier than me? She would raise my kids. She would have the normal relationship with my husband that I craved. As I grew bloated from treatment, as my hair fell out, I continued to feel ugly and depressed. How could he still love me? Stay with me? Would he change his mind? I was normally reflective, but this crisis threw me deeper and deeper into introspection and speculation of scenarios that “might be”. I was tired, sick, crabby and sad most of the time. I felt I had nothing to offer my husband. I longed for the closeness we shared before this crisis. I was tempted severely to throw in the towel, to go back on our decision.

Suddenly, I felt deep warmth within my soul. I felt Jesus saying directly to my heart, “You are not alone. I am with you.” Then I suddenly KNEW that not only was Jesus there with me during the ordeal of my cancer experience, like a husband might sit with his wife during labor, but He willingly took on the sufferings I was experiencing, from the needles in the arm, to the nausea, to the uncertainty, the aloneness, the mental torment. He chose to suffer with me and for me. I also got the profound feeling that my suffering — indeed all suffering — was an invitation to participate in the redemption of the cross. He was asking me to trust Him. Renewed in soul, I left the chapel in wonder and awe, and pondering God’s great mercy and love.

Six months later, after twelve grueling treatments I was pronounced ‘cancer-free’. For several more months pregnancy was strongly contraindicated, as my system was still full of powerful toxins. I was grateful for the strength and leadership of my husband during this time. We continued our abstinence commitment until the prescribed time period was up.

I believe God gave David and me that time for productive soul-searching and deep spiritual bonding together. God offered us a chance to definitively choose Him , to grow in maturity and be strengthened through the myriad ways that suffering does.

Today I also look at Catholic couples who struggle with the Catholic teaching on birth control and who feel tempted to think that artificial contraception might be the answer. I want to encourage them: Be strong. Stay true to your faith. You can do this! Even in exceptional situations, make the right choice, even if it is the difficult one. God is with you each step of the way, more than you can understand. Trust Him. Blessings will follow. "

Dominican Sisters on Oprah

2010-02-09T11:19:00.005-05:00

Having a snow day? The Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist will be on Oprah!

The show will air in the Cincinnati area at 4 p.m. on Channel 9. How awesome is it that these young women will be witnesses to the joy of giving oneself totally to Christ to such a large audience?

A couple of interesting facts about these sisters: 1) the average age of entering postulants is 21; 2) today is coincidentally the 13th anniversary of their founding.

Question Box Friday: Should a man lead in the relationship?

2010-02-05T16:46:00.002-05:00

Question: Should a man lead in the relationship?
Answer: Yes, a man should take the lead in relationships and a woman should be strong enough to let the man lead and help him to lead. This is something that I really have struggled to understand as a strong, independent woman. Our culture has taught women and men to be strong and not to rely on others because that is a sign of weakness.

Masculinity is about strength, leadership, and being the protector. A man's body is designed to be the giver and the woman's body is designed to receive the man. Biologically speaking the woman opens herself up in order to receive the man. Our emotions work in much of the same way. A woman should let a man know that she is interested by making herself available and opening herself up to the man. The man should take initiative and pursue the woman.

Practical advice...When I was in high school, I had a friend who always "HAD TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND". She would chase after a guy until he would start dating her. These relationships were always very short before she would get bored and move on to the next guy. Girls connect more quickly emotionally and may jump from having a crush on someone to planning the wedding in a matter of minutes or months. It doesn't happen the same way for guys, they may not even catch on that a girl is interested in them. Therefore in order to allow the guy the time he needs to think about the relationship progressing, girls need to slow down, be patient and let the guy take initiative.

I'm not saying that girls should be timid, passive, or weak. It is 100% okay to let a guy know that you are interested in him. But, then we need to be patient and wait for him to process through the idea of starting a relationship. Every girl wants to be swept off her feet. This isn't possible if we jump the gun and take initiative in the relationship. A true sign of feminity is the ability to be open and to receive.

The Pearl

2010-02-03T20:12:00.003-05:00

The Pearl
In every oyster there lies the ability
to produce something rare.
Truth like a grain of sand will produce
the pearl that is hidden there.

Young woman you are often mocked and scorned.
And told you never should have been born.
You want to run away, to hide your hurt.
You’re heart is wounded, bleeding and torn.

God makes not mistakes
every life is special,
every life is planned.
Seeds can sprout in sand.

Open yourselves up to the Spirit of God
Grow in grace and maturity
Be what He wants you to be
Your beauty your strength lies deep within you.

Young woman, young girl,
open yourselves up to God.
Allow Him to reveal your pearl.

~ Sylvia Hannah

Quote of the Week

2010-01-29T17:04:00.000-05:00

"Abortion kills twice. It kills the body of the baby and it kills the conscience of the mother. Abortion is profoundly anti-women. Three quarters of its victims are women: Half the babies and all the mothers."
~ Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta ~

What you probably won't see on CNN...

2010-01-26T12:29:00.005-05:00

There was an estimated 300,000 people (record attendance!) that participated in the annual March for Life in Washington D.C. this past Friday on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, the supreme court decision that legalized abortion in 1973. Over 35,000 marched on the West Coast in San Francisco.

West Coast:

And in D.C...

Quote of the Week

2010-01-18T22:48:00.002-05:00

"A clean heart is a free heart. A free heart can love Christ with an undivided love in chastity, convinced that nothing and nobody will separate it from his love. Purity, chastity, and virginity created a special beauty in Mary that attracted God’s attention. He showed his great love for the world by giving Jesus to her." - Mother Teresa

Question Box Friday

2010-01-15T14:31:00.007-05:00

Why do girls get upset when I ask them out in a text message?

I feel like our culture today is resorting to e-mail, text messages, and instant messaging or facebook as the main form of conversation. This is not a healthy way to develop communication in a relationship. It presents challenges on many levels. These forms of communication are not very personal because there is a medium of technology between the two people.

I understand that the fear of rejection may be lessened when using these forms of communication because you don't have to look the person in the eye. However, it is important to develop communication skills that include eye contact. Text messaging can be convenient for short messages or a time clarification, however it is not effective to have a conversation through text messages. It shows more respect if you are able to communicate face to face or at least on the phone and not through messages that you are interested in someone.

A Positive Media Influence

2010-01-15T14:31:00.005-05:00

Sixteen year-old Maddy Curtis, the daughter of an award-winning pro-life blogger, appeared on American Idol this week. American Idol featured a segment showcasing her family of 12 children, including four children with Down's Syndrome. Here's what she had to say about the sanctity of life: “I think some people are a little skeptical of down syndrome. Those four boys bring out the best in every person they meet. They see the world in colors, and we need to see the world that way.”

-- taken from www.lifesitenews.com

Praying with Pope John Paul II

2010-01-13T15:38:00.004-05:00

This is a brand-new book called "Santo Subito," which in Italian means "Immediate Saint." It's a book with unedited testimonies about Pope John Paul II's prayer life from those who knew him best.

"He spoke with God. You would take one look at him and you knew that he was a person who talked frequently with God.”

I love Pope John Paul II for so many reasons, but one of them is the simple fact that he radiated joy and love. I used to tell my Mom that you could always tell when someone had a truly amazing relationship with Christ because they were peaceful, joyful, confident, compassionate and generous people. There's a "glow." Pope John Paul II had that glow.

So what does this have to do with practicing chastity? A personal relationship with Christ is the foundation of your life. I can't say it any better: "Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination,will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love; stay in love,and it will decide everything." ~ Fr. Pedro Arrupe S.J.

An amazing prayer life is the key to living passionately. Until that key unlocked my life, I only practiced chastity because I knew that sex before marriage was sinful and I wanted my husband to have that special gift. While that is certainly not wrong, it's not the whole story. I found that when I started praying intensely my desire switched from wanting not just to please my husband, but to love Christ. Now, I practice chastity for both of them - I know that Christ is, and always will be, the King of my Heart, and that living a life of chastity is ultimately about loving God. Sex inside of marriage mirrors Christ's own self-giving, free, faithful, and fruitful love - and I'm committed to keeping sex inside of marriage because I want to love as He does. Prayer changed my life; I would pick up this book and let it change yours.

Walk in Purity

2010-01-12T15:44:00.000-05:00

How can a Christian walk in purity when temptation seems to be around every corner? First we must remember that God created sex to be a beautiful expression of love between a man and a woman who are joined in marriage. Since sexual activity can result in the creation of new life, it is obviously very important therefore, Satan does his best to pervert it.

In order to deal with this issue of temptation and walking in purity, we need to start by exposing the lies and excuses Satan uses to deceive people. This is essential because once we believe one of his lies, we have taken the first step on a path that will lead to heartbreak and regret. When the lies are exposed, we are able to see the truth that God gave us in the beauty of His creation. This truth enables us to walk in purity.

Quote of the Week

2009-12-28T22:28:00.000-05:00

"Because God is the very embodiment of love, his love inspires you to be what you are meant to be: a free person in the highest sense of the word. The more you are led by God's love, the more you become yourself, and it is all done without even losing your freedom."

- Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T22:17:00.000-05:00

"Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction..." - BXVI ~ MERRY CHRISTMAS!~

Moving Day!

2009-12-18T17:52:00.002-05:00

Pregnancy Center East is moving! As of today, we're now at our new location. We're all very excited to finally have our own home. Our new address is 3944 Edwards Rd. Cincinnati, OH 45209. Our phone number is still the same: (513) 321 - 3100.

Stocking Stuffers

2009-12-16T15:17:00.011-05:00

Looking for something creative and meaningful to give this Christmas? Here are a few ideas for stocking stuffers that I found:

- Chastity rings. Wearing a ring like this is a beautiful way to remind yourself of the person that you are waiting for someday. You can buy them at http://www.catholicexchange.com/.

Faithfully: This is a CD of songs that Eric and Leslie Ludy, Christian authors, wrote for each other about waiting for your husband or wife. http://www.setapartlife.com/

Pure Love: a Q&A booklet by Jason Evert. Amazing! www.catholic.com

2009-12-14T17:21:00.002-05:00

“To be pure, to remain pure, can only come at a price, the price of knowing God and loving him enough to do his will. He will always give us the strength we need to keep purity as something as beautiful for him.” - Blessed Mother Teresa

New Book!

2009-12-07T16:11:00.002-05:00

This is Jason Evert's latest book! It's called Purity 365: Daily Reflections on True Love. This new book contains daily inspirational quotes to help you lead a clean life....it's a short read, but Jason Evert gets right to the point. It's a great book to help you stay committed to leading a chaste life. I love short books like this - it's really easy just to take a minute of every day to help you stay strong in your commitment.

Quote of the Week

2009-12-07T16:04:00.003-05:00

"Purity is not about following a list of rules so that we'll avoid hell. It's about wanting heaven for the women we love."

- Jason Evert

Secondary Virginity

2009-12-04T13:14:00.004-05:00

Q: How can I commit to secondary virginity?

A: I really admire those who make the choice to recommit to chastity after taking sex outside of marriage, because it's often just as hard to turn your life around as it is to stay chaste to begin with. Christ didn't condemn the woman who was accused of adultery; instead, he siad "Go and sin no more." Here are some practical tips for recommiting to chastity:

1. Make a list of a things that you've done that you regret doing (whether it was sex, the way that you've treated members of the opposite sex, clothing that you've worn, things that you've said etc). Go to confession!

2. Make a list of the reasons why you're waiting for your future spouse. Keep that list with you, and every time that you're tempted to go out and be in a situation where that temptation might arise, remind yourself of all the reasons why you're waiting.

3. Facing temptation: do something! Go for a run, play sports etc. Keep yourself busy.

4. Surround yourself with people who support your decision to commit to chastity. Good friends are invaluable in leading a clean life - true friends will challenge you to be the best person that you can possibly be.

Lies on Love

2009-12-02T15:12:00.002-05:00

Our culture today has given us many lies about what love is. People will say that love is about feeling good and getting whatever you want. Today we are told as women that we need to look and act like the women in Play Boy Magazine or in pornographic videos. This is a standard that is impossible for us to meet physically and repulsive for us emotionally. We can not and do not want to do the things that are displayed in pornography.

Pornography is a huge distortion to love and to true beauty. We are created to be beautiful and we are beautiful just the way we are. This beauty is authentic whereas the "beauty" in pornography is fake because the models are airbrushed or altered by the computer. Pornography is particularly dangerous because it is addictive, it can be as addictive as heroine. The other major danger of pornography is that it trains people to look at and treat others as objects to use instead of people to love.

We are created to love and to be loved. We don't need to fulfill some fantasy world or be used as objects as pornography trains people to think. This is actually the opposite of what love really is. Love is a gift of yourself. Love is a sacrifice and wanting the best for another person. Love is thinking outside of yourself and being selfless. When we are selfless, we can see people as they are and become the person we are created to be, in order to love others as we are supposed to love.